I almost hesitate to write this, even though it’s the perfect post for today’s GHF Blog Hop on health and wellness with gifted kids. As a lifelong Cubs fan, I have a healthy dose of superstition topped with hard-won experience a la mode. It tastes like an old shoe, the one ready to drop. I’m sure you know that flavor. It’s not one you’re going to find at the local ice cream shop.

A turned 13 last week, and with that milestone Tom and I officially hit nine years of “what the hell?” When he was four we started down that rocky road of “What the hell?” as we tried to figure out…anything. Why the intense meltdowns? Why didn’t he sleep? Why does he have such stomach problems? Why was he always on the move? Why did he fight transitions so intensely? Why did he require such immense detail for bedtime stories about the solar system? Why did it always feel like I was talking through static to get to him? Was it normal that he never asked “why?” but “how’s it work?” instead? Was it normal that he totally understood plate tectonics in preschool? Was it normal that he solved a brand new floor puzzle in 15 minutes? With the image facing the floor? When he was three? Why can’t the school help him? Why isn’t he gaining weight and growing? Why is he nothing like any other kid his age? Why why why?

“What the hell?”

It’s been a very long nine years.

When I do talks and roundtables about twice-exceptional kids, the conversation nearly always shifts to what we can do to help our G2e kids. And it hits me hard every single time when I recount what we’ve done to help A. You name it, we probably did it. Gifted evaluation, occupational therapy, vision therapy, listening therapy, therapy therapy, homeopathy, chiropractic, ear filter for central auditory processing disorder, tutors, sleep studies, tonsillectomy, weighted blankets and lap pads, dietary changes, several different ADHD medications, the IEP evaluation from hell that we eventually halted, four different GI specialists, an endocrinologist, many sucky tests in hospitals, and finally homeschooling. The partridge in a pear tree has been on backorder forever.

Rarely any answers, rarely any lasting improvements. Too many evaluations with the final result of “there’s something going on, but we can’t figure it out because it doesn’t really fit into any of our boxes, so good luck.” And always the whispering mom gut feeling that all of it was connected in some way, that there was nothing really “wrong” with him per se, but that something was off with his sensitive system and if we could find…it? something? the Golden Ticket?…then he would heal, everything would fall into place, and he would be the “him” I could feel was in there trying to break out and shine. This whole time being cried at, “Quit trying to fix me! I’m not broken! I like the way I am!”

The strain of it all has not done us any favors. My stress has been pinned in the red zone for so long that it started to seem normal to be juuuust on the edge of an anxiety attack every day. Always waiting for the next disaster, for the next problem, for the hidden and scary and expensive. I’m sure you can imagine just how awesome I am to live with at that level of high-alert.

But things may have turned a corner.

In January I started a new part time job at a holistic health care center. I love my job and the people I work with. Everything is focused on helping people become their best selves. It is a place of peace, of hope, of healing.

Two months ago I started taking A there, after yet another round of expensive tests once again ended with the result of “there’s something going on, but we can’t figure it out because it doesn’t really fit into any of our boxes, so good luck.” (This is eerily similar to my journey to the acupuncturist six years ago; after western medicine said there was nothing wrong with me that healthy food and a good sleep couldn’t cure, acupuncture brought me back from the adrenal fatigue dead). He’s been working with my boss, a skilled chiropractor/holistic physician who also does energy work.

Believing that I live in a benevolent and supportive universe I will now say it, and know that the other shoe won’t drop.

A’s improvement has been nothing short of stunning. Jaw-dropping. Tom and I look at each other every single day in amazement, afraid to speak of it aloud.

This is a child who didn’t gain a single damn pound in four years. Not one, in four long years. Want to know helpless fear? Watch your tween be outgrown by not only his peers, but his three years younger brother, and doctors didn’t know why. He fell off the weight segment of the growth chart two years ago. Not long after he started working with my boss he had two long-scheduled doctors appointments a week apart; he had gained three pounds in a week.

He is calmer, he is more centered. We took him off his ADHD medications, and have seen no increase in hyperactivity or inattention. He is more engaging, he is more present. He is more relaxed, he is more flexible. He is more affectionate, he is more considerate. On Friday morning we drove to Iowa for Easter; before we left he stumbled into my bedroom apologizing because he thought his slowness was preventing us from leaving on time. He hadn’t slept well the night before and was dragging hard. Recognizing that his behavior and/or reactions were affecting others? That is big, just huge. His sense of humor is through the roof, even when the humor is directed at him; he’s able to laugh at himself better, and play along more. His posture has improved; instead of being hunched into himself, as though he was trying to hide, he is standing more confidently, and occasionally asks if he’s standing up straight. He has taken ownership of his diet, and is strictly following the dietary recommendations of the doctor: no gluten, no dairy, no corn, very very low refined sugar, lots of water. At a recent maker event, he went to the guy leading it, asked a few more questions, then shook his hand and thanked him for his time.

He is more himself than he ever has been.

My parents and brother cannot believe the transformation, and have commented on it several times recently. It’s as though a clouded window has had a corner scrubbed clean and suddenly some light has escaped to shine on everyone, including A himself. When the entire window is sparkling and transparent? That kid is going to blind us all with the light that has been struggling so long and so hard to escape.

The last few weeks Tom and I have started to feel ourselves relax. Just a little; it took 13 years to get to this point, it’s going to take awhile to bring it all the way down. But I’ll tell you…we’re enjoying parenting a lot more lately. Our challenging kid is suddenly fun.

I don’t know what the tipping point was, I really don’t. I just know that by mid-February we had tried everything and were getting nowhere fast. I strongly believe that my kid, with his particular set of issues, desperately needed the kind of holistic medicine and energy work he is getting now. A is doing so well that I’m starting to feel more hopeful about his future, for the first time maybe ever. He still has a long ways to go, mainly because he was being held back by his own system for so long, but he is improving daily.

I know I may get skeptical comments about holistic medicine and energy work, but I don’t give a damn. You don’t have to understand it or believe it, but I have seen the results with my son…and with myself…and with Tom…and I am so very grateful. It works for us.

Eighteen months ago I wrote about my deep passion for finding a rainbow-farting unicorn:

For me, a rainbow-farting unicorn is a fluid metaphor for what I want and need for twice-exceptional kids. Things like societal recognition and acceptance (this includes the education system), accommodations for challenges in addition to deeper work for the intelligence, and (ohhh, the Holy Grail) a 2e kid with executive function skills that, you know, function. Things like that. Things that, if they suddenly appeared, would ride in on the back of a large unicorn, followed by a glittery rainbow emanating from the hindquarters of the aforementioned mythical creature. Just because I haven’t seen any of these with my own eyes doesn’t mean they don’t exist, so I continue to believe in rainbow-farting unicorns and can’t wait to see one of my own.

I still don’t have my rainbow-farting unicorn, and may likely never have one. Today I’m more okay with that than I ever have been. But I will tell you, for the first time, I smell glitter.

It smells a lot like hope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today’s post was part of April’s Gifted Homeschoolers Forum blog hop, on the topic of health and wellness in gifted and twice-exceptional children. Please go check out other blog hop participants!

Tomorrow is March 1, my very favorite day of the year. It’s the furthest I will be from February for an entire twelve months, and even just thinking about it I instantly get a tiny little spring in my step. It’s as though I’ve been freed from the solitary confinement of winter and am being released into the hopeful potential of spring. A loving embrace, if you will.

Not this year.

I’ve worked very hard to stay positive this winter, and for the most part I’ve been successful. Instead of slogging through the days I’ve been able to cope well enough that it shouldn’t take me half the summer to recover. Using spring and summer days to haul your ass out of winter depression is a poor use of spring and summer days. I speak from experience here. But this winter, this endless winter, is doing its damnedest to pull me down.

Trying to muster up a bit of hope I’ve been living in the long term forecast.

It’s not working. Instead of finally seeing a tiny glimmer of hopeful warmth, I see this:

Dafuq? March? You’re letting me down here! You’re harshing my mellow, stomping on my dreams, peeing in my Cheerios. I know the whole “In Like a Lion, Out Like A Lamb” thing, but let me tell you…if I don’t see a prancing little lamb here pretty damn soon I’m firing up the grill for some lion kabobs. Metaphorically speaking, of course. I do not condone the grilling of The King of Beasts. I also do not have propane for the aforementioned grill, and my entire yard is buried under…well, it’s safe to say that’s no longer snow. It’s some berky fusion of Formerly Known As Light and Fluffy Frozen Precipitation, ice, dirt, pet safe ice-melt, and broken dreams.  And dog poop.

I’m ready to sweat. I want to bitch and moan about the heat index for a change. I gotta know just how much skin this 40 year old mother of two can expose before people go blind and/or call the authorities. I’m itching to beat hell out of mosquitos, fired up to soothe sunburn, and am foaming at the mouth to play the “from what new and socially unacceptable body part and/or crevice will I perspire today?” game.

There are margaritas to consume, toes to paint, animal flesh to grill to perfection (but not lion), cars to drive with the a/c blasting and the windows down. There are gardens to plant, walks to take, outdoor concerts to attend (and perform).

Winter, you’ve had a good run. You’ve made your point, several times over. Trust me, we got it with the first polar vortex, you didn’t need to send it to us twice more. And dropping several inches of snow on us the first weekend of March is just sadistic. WE GET IT:

Move along now, winter. The southern hemisphere is waiting; I understand they had one hell of a hot summer season and are awaiting you with great glee and open arms. I’d help you pack, but yeah, I don’t like you so please expect to find your shit out on the lawn.

Under this weekend’s fresh blanket of snow.

From about age two, A’s questions were not “why?,” but “how’s it work?” He would never accept a throw-off answer, but only an in-depth, well-researched answer with as much detail as possible. When he was three I thought I would need a PhD in astrophysics to tell him bedtime stories. I never knew what “how’s it work?” question would come out of his mouth next, usually while I was driving and unable to look up the answer. There was a lot of panicked “uhhhhhh…..” on my part then. Sadly, there’s still a lot of that now.

One of the best benefits of homeschooling for him is that he can continue to ask those questions and now has the time to dive into searching for the answer. I love that he’s old enough to research on his own and then teach me. I also love that I don’t have to make up an answer to just shut him up for five freaking minutes for the love of all things holy and green pacify him until I can look it up.

We’ve always known that he has an engineer’s mind. A has wanted to be an inventor forever, only now he calls it hacker or maker, and the house his room looks like an electronics graveyard. He’s tinkered with everything from Legos to Snapcircuits to VEX robotics to the MakeyMakey to his beloved Raspberry Pi. I just do what I can to keep up and hope the FBI doesn’t appear on my doorstep one day.

As a homeschooler, A is lucky to have the time to focus on his passion like this. My job is to encourage that passion-driven learning, and build on it in hopes of expanding what he thinks he knows. He knows he loves to tinker and hack and create, he just hasn’t quite made the connection that that’s what engineers do. The kid has so many inventor’s notebooks that he has started to catalog them. Engineering is his calling.

Enter DiscoverE. DiscoverE, formerly the National Engineers Week Foundation, is a resource for teachers and parents looking for information on educational options, careers, and fun activities in the field of engineering. It’s a coalition of hundreds of organizations and volunteers who work with schools and community groups to help students understand how engineering works in their lives. Digging around in the site I immediately discovered that my son’s two loves, programming and tinkering, are perfectly aligned with computer science and electrical engineering as careers. I will most certainly encourage those, for the career outlook is bright and the potential salary will ensure that I get the high quality nursing home (with daily massage and sommelier on call) I will have certainly earned by raising this child.

The site has activities and field trip suggestions for locations around the country, which is great for road trips with kids. We’ve already hit most of the Illinois destinations on the list, and the ones in Wisconsin may be day trips for the summer. In the meantime, the activities are basic but solid introductions to engineering principles. They are easily filtered by age, interest, and the amount of time you have available. These are mostly for groups, so A won’t experience the teamwork aspect of the projects, but I’ve already printed out a few to try with him later in the week. I’ve been mulling how to change up our homeschool lessons now that I’m working, and I think project based homeschooling might be the next step. Projects such as these are a great resource.

One of the main programs with DiscoverE is the Future City competition. Future City is a national, project-based learning program for middle school students to design and build cities of the future. It’s the ideal cross-curricular educational project, truly giving tweens a taste of what engineering is and how it affects everything in their lives. The National finals are this weekend, and I plan to check back to see the winning project. I’m also wondering how I could coerce convince my child into joining a team of homeschoolers; surely there’s a team around here somewhere.

My kid has engineering blood, something we’ve known since the very first “how’s it work?” I can see him someday working as a volunteer mentor with DiscoverE, introducing a new generation of students to his favorite question. In the meantime, we’ll use these resources to teach me more about engineering so I’m ready for his questions strengthen his knowledge base in preparation for an eventual career.

That fancy-pants nursing home I’ve earned won’t be cheap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can follow DiscoverE on Facebook, and catch the results of the Future City competition on their Facebook page.  And join in on Twitter for a #GirlDay2014 #STEMchat on February 19 at 9pm EST in honor of Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a sponsored post for DiscoverE. All thoughts and opinions are my own.