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Mar 30 2012

Apparently I peed in someone’s Cheerios

Do you believe in karma? Paying for past sins, for things done in a previous life? Coincidence? Free will, predestination?

Because I’m wondering just who the hell we pissed off in a previous life.

When things go silent here on this site, it’s because life outside the computer has reached a level of stress that is not healthy nor wise to share. Right now things are worse than usual, and strangely enough, have nothing to do with either child, their education, giftedness, or parenting. Believe it or not, stuff in that arena is actually pleasant. Or the rest of the crap is just making that insanity unnoticeable.

It’s bad around here, yo.

While there is a lot right now I cannot discuss, I can sure as hell talk about this. We are living in the effing Money Pit. If I EVER move again, I will only live in a new build. Spoiled? I can live with that description. But this house has killed any desire I have ever had of living anywhere but somewhere brand spanking new, where the builder will fix shit the first year, and everything is still under warranty. This house is 45 years old, we are the fifth owners in roughly 15 years, the deferred maintenance is stomach-churning, and somewhere a few owners back the guy thought he was Norm Abram when he was more Homer Simpson.

Since moving in at the end of July, we have:
Had a tree guy come and remove the dead branches of the ginormous maple trees behind our house, and shore them up so if GODFORBID a heavy limb came off it would be less likely to come down through the roof.
Cleaned out several years worth of muck from the ducts, including the discovery of a baseball in the duct nearest the furnace, a gift from a kid two or so owners ago.
Had the fireplace and chimney cleaned, inspected, and repaired, because that too had not been done ever recently and we didn’t want to die.
Had the roof inspected and repaired.
Had the sewer line inspected and rodded so we didn’t have the unholy nightmare of a backed up sewer line, courtesy of the property’s huge trees and roots.
Had the furnace inspected, cleaned, and parts repaired, because it sounded (and still does) like the main runway at O’Hare when it cranks up. Apparently that’s normal. I have a slightly different definition of normal.
Had an exterminator out here twice, because the mice and spiders were a wee bit of a problem.
Had an electrician out here for the mother of all repairs. New circuit box, new receptacles and switches, repaired THE EXPOSED WIRES NOT IN CONDUIT in the crawlspace, inspected and repaired the JACKED UP SPLICES, replaced wires that just flat-out broke, and basically made the house electrically safe.

Needless to say, my Angie’s List membership has more than paid for itself.

I grew up in an early 20th century Chicago Bungalow and I don’t remember my parents ever having this kind of trouble.

Earlier this week the dishwasher finally went under for the third time. Tom had made it his personal mission to reboot it every time it crashed, and finally the Dishwasher Whisperer conceded defeat. Today the repairman came out to take a little looksee, and the verdict? Cheaper to buy a new dishwasher. Now, while I loves me some dishwasher action, I’m not averse to handwashing my dishes if it means I don’t have to go drop several hundred dollars on an appliance right now.

But. There had to be a but.

He and I discovered a rather significant leak in the pipes under the kitchen sink. A major pipe had rusted through.

::headdesk::

So I ask you? Is it karma? Who did I piss off and how can I make amends? Because as strong and resilient as I may be, there’s not much more left here in reserves.

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  1. melissaz

    Um, are you sure you don’t want to move again? Just sayin..

  2. Erica

    Have you watched Holmes on Homes or Holmes Inspection? Your house sounds exactly like some of the houses on his shows.

    1. Jen

      No, we don’t have cable, so I haven’t seen it. But yeah, this is that kind of house.

  3. The Casual Perfectionist

    I hate to be the one to point this out, but you never told us what deals you made (and with whom) to sell your house in Colorado. *ahem* I’m not saying you brought this stuff on yourself willingly, but didn’t anyone warn you that dabbling in magic is tricky and you HAVE to read the small print?

    In other news, when you get this house in tip-top shape, it will be awesome! Right?

    Good luck, and might I suggest learning how to tie knots of protection and perhaps burning a little sage? 😉 (Just don’t catch the drapes on fire…)

    Just kidding! …kinda. :p

    1. Jen

      Given that we lost our shirts in that sale, it’s pretty obvious I cut no deals with the devil. I’m positive I angered housing gods in multiple states.

  4. Robin from Israel

    Can you sacrifice a small toaster to the appliance gods, or maybe a dollhouse to the house gods?

    In our house we’re fairly convinced that the contractor screwed Poseidon’s wife in a past life, because this house is cursed when it comes to anything at all to do with water, including pipes rusted so badly that we had to move out for 6 weeks to do a complete general renovation a few years ago while every single inch was replaced (not an easy feat in a country where they build homes out of concrete and walls and floors need to be completely torn about to replace pipes…). Just last week a 50 cent piece of plastic went belly up, causing our jacuzzi to dump it’s entire contents all over our roof. Oh, and then 2 days later the central air sprang a major leak and died – is gas considered to be in the “like water” category as well?

    Stuff like this really sucks big hairy donkey balls. I can’t do much besides empathize, but oh boy can I do that well…

    1. Jen

      Ouch. Offer up a fish? Boat? Bathtub toy? I’m worried about what’s coming up next. The plumber came and fixed the pipe…and we discovered the faucet, that Tom and I repaired several weeks ago, had rusted through as well. Badly installed, water got up where it shouldn’t have, and rust was the result. We get to go buy a new faucet this weekend, and do the dishes in the bathtub until then. OY.

  5. Cara @ Brooketopia

    Oh, goodness! I have nothing clever to say, as just thinking about all the issues you’ve been dealing with kinda sorta overwhelms me from afar. 🙂

    Ugh, I’m so sorry about it all. Hopefully the busted pipe spells a turning of the tide. (See that? That was an attempt at clever–all your problems will be washed away now…oh gosh, that’s just plain bad.)

    Good luck.

  1. Brain drain, part whatever

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