By God, I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. I’m done, wiped, full-on finished. I cannot handle the arguments, the schoolwork coming home unfinished for the evening’s enjoyment, the backtalk, the whining, and the feeling that I am a complete and utter failure as a parent. Setting fire to my teaching degree is also a thought, given that everything I learned to earn it does not, in any way, apply to the creatures that reside beneath this roof. I thought homeschooling was going to reduce this crap. I was wrong.
I have another son.
You know, it’s not cosmically amusing enough that the universe saw fit to bless me with two boys. Or that they look more like their father than me. But that they both appear to have the same learning challenges is PISSING ME OFF. I just can’t do it. I can’t go through the battles with J that I did with A. I just can’t. I’m operating at DefCon One as a baseline right now and this schoolwork-adding-fuel-to-the-fire crap is making my trigger finger a little twitchy.
This afternoon my darling second child brought home a writing assignment (no, seriously, I can’t make this shit up…same shit we went through with his brother) that did not get finished during class. When asked, his instant and quite panicked reply was, “It’s not my fault!” This is becoming the de facto reply to ANYTHING regarding schoolwork lately and I’m about to wring his neck. His story is that they only had 20 minutes to write a seven sentence paragraph and draw a photo to accompany it. I find that hard to believe, so after a cooling off period
on the chilly porch wishing I had a stiff drink with me, I made him sit and finish it. But lo and behold! He forgot his math homework! Again!
All this is new for J. He has been a great student for years, even requesting homework for kindergarten. But the last eighteen months or so he has slipped. I’ve noticed to a certain extent, but have been a little busy with his older and much more intense brother. His teacher and I have agreed to work with him and make him work, something he hasn’t really had to do to this point. If anything gets hard, even a little, he resists because it means he has to work at it. (Yes, I know what this sounds like, hush). I don’t know if it really is a case of not wanting to put forth effort, or of true difficulty (he’s already receiving writing interventions), or if he’s pulling shit so he can be homeschooled too. I just don’t know.
Oh, I won’t be addressing the insanity of how much freaking writing is required of a second grader, simply because state testing begins for them the next year. I think it is too much, I think pushing kids to write when they may not have the motor skills TO write is a bad idea, and I am convinced it does nothing but teach the kid that he’s a failure because he can’t do what he is truly not able to do. That boys suffer from this (slow to advance fine motor skills) only makes it worse. Oh, wait, I did address it. My bad.
I don’t know how I’m going to address this in the future. Right now I can’t think I’m so pissed off, and it’s just thrown on top of the mental laundry pile of crap going on. I cannot homeschool both boys, it is just not possible. I know a gazillion women do, but they’re not living in this house. It just would not work, by any stretch of the imagination. I’d rather stick both of them in school, get a full time job so as to relieve some of the financial fustercluck around here, and just ignore their educational crap until they fail enough to get a freaking clue and do it themselves. Whoa. Yeah, I went there.
Luckily tonight I have a haircut where I am getting my hair entirely chopped off. I will no longer look like any headshot floating around out there and if I had extra coin I’d have her color out the grays. Instead photoshop will do me the favor.
Damn. And things were almost-kinda-sorta going so well.