I know they have to be done.
I know why they have to be done.
But I don’t have to like it.
I volunteer in A’s classroom every other week. And today, while I was there, the school ran a lockdown drill. Before the actual drill A’s teacher went over the whole procedure with the kids, so they knew what would happen and why. She was very thorough without scaring the kids, answered all their questions, and eased their fears.
The announcement came over the speakerphone that the drill was beginning and the kids were great. They immediately got quiet, they stayed in their seats, they did exactly as they were told. (Frankly, it was amazing…23 1st graders all doing exactly what they were supposed to do when they were told to do it…red letter day on the calendar).
I saw that A was looking a little pale, so I went over to him, just so I was nearby. He pulled me down, hugged me hard, and whispered in my ear, so softly that I could barely hear him:
“I’m glad you’re here. I know you’ll keep me safe.”
Hear that? That was the sound of my heart breaking into a million billion pieces and rolling around on the floor. Every time I think about it, I have a hard time breathing. My God.
I’ve never seen that intensity of emotion from him. He was so scared, but holding it together so well. He is such a good kid, such a wonderful young man in the making…I forget this. I tend to parent his ADHD, or the SPD, or the 2e…and forget that there is still a little boy there.
A little boy who was glad his mommy was there to keep him safe.