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Feb 08 2008

My not-so-super alter ego

Introducing….Inertia Girl!!!

There’s no stopping her when she’s on a roll. She whips through chores, to-do lists, and errands with nary a thought, then stands with hands on hips, teeth bared into the wind as her hair flips around sensuously. Her family is swept up in her groove like a snowball in an avalanche and all is well.

But, like Mr. Incredible getting hit with that gloopy stuff and slowing to certain death, Inertia Girl is slowed by the unforeseen, the attitude copped by offspring, lack of sunlight, hormones, and the unending list of crap that must be done, and only done, by Inertia Girl.

She grinds to a halt. A body at motion stays in motion, a body at rest stays at rest…and pisses about it the whole time.

Oh NO! What is that laughter hacking sound? It is Inertia Girl’s arch-enemy, Death Virus of Doom! (cue ominous music) DVoD has taken out Inertia Girl’s partner in crime, Stress Man! Stress Man is down! Superhero down, Superhero down!

Inertia Girl springs into non-action! Rather than working harder, Inertia Girl plays with her blog’s avatar, and writes mildly witty posts. She shuffles the papers on her desk, answers emails, and wipes the countertops. Earth-shaking events.

With his superhero strength, Stress Man has shaken off the clutches of DVoD…which has retreated into a corner, waiting to strike again. Will it be Inertia Girl who succumbs? Will it be the offspring? Only time will tell…

Inertia Girl crosses another item off the to-do list and sluggishly moves on to the next. Inertia Girl needs spring to arrive, and umbrella drinks, and to feel the warm sun on her flabby, pasty-white superskin. Go, Inertia Girl, go.

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9 comments

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  1. cursingmama

    Inertia Girl is my HERO! I wanna be just like her when I grow up.

    Wait! I am grown-up and I am just like her!! We rock!

  2. Robin

    It’s probably less fun to live than it is to read about, but I’m cracking up over here…

  3. karen (Pediascribe)

    I totally agree with Robin.
    Oh wait, I’m Inertia Girl’s long lost twin. Zoloft can only do *so* much.

  4. RC

    I’m trying to send good vibes to Inertia Girl. I even added her to my blogroll. Smile Inertia Girl. Smile.

  5. s@bd

    I may also be Inertia Girl’s long-lost twin …

    (is it bad to want to do crack every once in a while … you know, just to get it all done … ahem … CRACK-COCAIN -GIRL! )

  6. AMomTwoBoys

    Inertia girl needs to start a movement…an umbrella drink movement.

    And, may I suggest some sort of slow acting, bronzer-type lotion to help with that pasty-white superskin?

  7. Kat

    Hey Inertia Girl!

    Greetings from your pal, Brain-dead Perimenopausal Poet up North in Canuckland.

    I know it’s time for Spring when hubby’s p-n drip is keeping me awake all night (think Darth Vader) and I’m mentally planting perennials and planning my landscaping. Not to mention, painting my kitchen, shifting furniture — even contemplating moving the washer and dryer up from the dank, deathly-cold, 1940s dungeon to the upper floor ( which would mean shoving a stackable in the already storage-at-a-premium closet).
    Not sick – yet, but echinacea is my salvation.
    These days it’s so hard to push oneself out from under the delicious duvet until it’s time for lunch. Thank heavens for persistent cats.
    Rock on though, IG!!! Spring has to come soon.
    Kat

  8. Kat

    Oops! Forgot to tell you – the Wordhawk is no more, but would appreciate a link to Kathleen’s Invisible Keepsakes http://www.katmortinvk.blogspot.com (for personalized poetry.) Thank you.

    Oh! and check out my Heraldic Monikers post for a fun Aristocratic title befitting your amazing virtues~kat

  9. Michelle

    The weather sucks! I need Spring. How about we all sleep in tomorrow and blog ferociously from under the covers on our laptops while drinking hot chocolate?

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