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Nov 01 2017

November, November

Why are there so many personal improvement events in November? I mean, it’s the end of the year, we’re all looking towards 12/31/17 for the end of this venomous dumpster fire of a year, it’s the start of the holidays. And yet? We have Movember. And NaNoWriMo. And there used to be NaBloPoMo, though that appears to have died a long, slow death. And there’s No Spend November. And I’ve heard rumors of a No Sugar November, though that may have been my hips shouting up at me.

So many choices, so little time.

I tried to talk Tom into doing Movember, since I think beards are sexy af, but he was having nothing of it. He despises facial hair (it itches! and it’s scratchy! and looks terrible!), so fine. Andy said he was up for it, but bless him, he tried growing out what he had and discovered it was…let’s go with patchy…and gave that up. So I will throw myself into Movember with delight.

I hereby declare I shall not shave my legs in the month of November. I call it growing out my winter fur, but whatever.

No Spend November? Really? I have two teen boys who eat like you wouldn’t believe. All you out there with young males? Skip saving for college, they can get scholarships for that. Save for food. There are no scholarships or grants available to feed teen boys, trust me. And if you think I’m kidding, I can show you my Costco receipts. If I get out of there for under two hundred bucks it’s a miracle. And I’m getting ingredients, not processed stuff. I’ve already started shopping for Christmas, because I’m not dealing with the last minute insanity. So I’m altering this one.

I hereby declare that I will spend less. That’s the best I can do.

No Sugar November? Ok, fine. FINE! I don’t have a huge sweet tooth, but sometimes I discover that a peanut butter cup has dived into my maw without warning. I really don’t know how that happens. I swear peanut butter cups are sentient and psychic and know exactly when to bungee dive between my teeth. Poor little guys. I can’t just stop buying sweet stuff (please see previous comment about teen boys), but I can and will do better.

I hereby declare that I will avoid sugar like I avoid gluten, zucchini, and clowns.

NaBloPoMo, how I miss thee. I did NaBlo for years; one year I even managed to keep blogging daily through mid-January until I finally cried uncle. The fun blogging community challenge was scooped up by BlogHer, which doesn’t even appear to exist anymore, and now NaBlo seems to be defunct. RIP, NaBlo. I really wish someone would revive it, but I guess blogging has fallen off its heyday and no one really gives half a golden shit. Which then makes me wonder why I’m still blogging, and then I have to stop thinking. I just don’t have it in me to blog every single day like I did in years past (which I find ironic as hell, because I was SO much more stressed years ago), but I miss writing here regularly.

I hereby declare that I will post here three times a week during the month of November. Yeah, is my clone ready? How about my robot maid? IT’S 20-FREAKING-17, WHERE IS MY ROBOT MAID?

Ohhhh, NaNoWriMo, you minx. You’re all sexy with your active community and challenges and sponsorships. But deep down you’re a demanding bitch. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the hell outta you for that, but damn. I’ve registered at least three times to do NaNo, and at least three times I’ve piddled down my leg and failed. Humiliating doesn’t begin to describe it. So this year I’m going about it differently. I’m not registering for NaNo. I’m not attempting fiction. I’m laughing at a 50k word count by the end of the month. Not even sneaking through a NaNo back door, I’m crawling under the porch and wiggling through a crack in the foundation for this challenge.

I hereby declare that I will write 1000 words a day on book #2, so that I can finally get my hysterical entertaining profound thoughts about self-care and gifted parents out into the world before I descend into the madness that is preparing a 2e teenager for college and Eagle Scout.

Five challenges in one month. Insanity. But three of them are not doing something, so that’s a plus. The other two?

Good thing there’s not a No Coffee/No Wine November. Because I’m pretty sure my family would lock me away if I tried that one.

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