Know how I know spring is finally here?
Is it the leaves on the trees? No.
Is it that I’ve finally purchased (and Tom planted) my spring flowers/vegetables/ground cover? No.
Is it that, holy hell, the boys are out of school in a matter of days? AGH! No.
The solicitors are out.
So, as a public service to anyone considering coming to the House That Chaos Built, let me outline Jen’s Rules for Selling Crap On My Doorstep.
1. 1. My basement is already finished.
2. 2. No, I don’t want an entertainment book to support a wheelchair basketball team I’ve never heard of.
3. 3. Strangely enough, the HOA requires us to have our backyards landscaped damned near immediately and we’ve been here almost five years, so…do the math. I’ll help…NO!
4. 4. If you’re going door-to-door looking for houses to clean, I don’t want you cleaning my house.
5. 5. If you think I’m going to buy organic vegetables mail-order from someone ringing my doorbell, you need to go back to smoking whatever you’re growing with those vegetables.
6. 6. If you’re wearing a Scouting uniform and are polite and articulate, I will actually buy your cookies/popcorn/Christmas wreath.
7. 7. That also goes for High School Band Members selling something for that trip to Disney World. BTDT, actually do have the t-shirt. And don’t dick with me, I know your director.
8. 8. And, no, for the love of all things sweet and holy and good, I am NOT going to buy meat off your truck!