Nov 24 2009

The Griswolds got nothin’ on us

You know the 14 hour/3 state trip is going to be a long one when, not 20 minutes into the trip, you realize that the darling children happily chattering behind you have no shoes. Then 20 minutes after that deep fear strikes your heart when you can’t remember exactly where you packed the brand new, can’t-find-anywhere, will bork up A’s blood pressure if he misses a week, ADHD medication (in the back, stuffed into a bag, thank you sweet Baby Jesus). Then after a stop at Super Walmart (motto: check your soul at the door, you won’t be needing it anymore….mwahahahahahaha) for shoes that will now have the MomVan as their primary address, you swing by Sonic for a not-so-fast fast food breakfast and the world’s worst coffee with a side of “sorry, we’re out of creamer.”

Add multiple inquiries into whether or not we were in Nebraska yet/in Iowa yet/at Grandma and Grandpa’s house yet. Include additional announcements of hunger, thirst, and sudden onset urination urgency as the MomVan zips past yet another Rest Area. Also add vocal declarations of annoyance, anger, boredom, and frustration.

Don’t forget the eternal construction on I-80, as reliable as death and taxes. Throw in multiple downpours, and one solid snow squall. More construction on I-29. Heavier rain. Ooh, a detour! A 30 minute “Sweet Mother of All That is Holy, take the effing pill so we can get back on the road!” rest stop.

A 14 hour marathon turned into a 16+ hour “please, make it stop, I promise I’ll be good from now on” mobile torture chamber of doom.

And we get to do it all again on Friday.

Pass the wine.


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  1. Missy

    Drink up, sister! You can do it!

  2. Chelle

    I’ll drink a glass (or seven) for you.

  3. ChiTown Girl

    OH. MY. HELL.
    It hurt just to READ that!!! Please God, I hope things go smoothly the rest of the weekend!!

  4. Nancy Campbell

    Eek. I have lived this, and seriously considered just permanently moving to the my end destination, just to avoid the drive.

    And eff Sonic. NO creamer! Oh, hell no!

  5. Robin from Israel

    16 hours? And bad coffee? With no creamer? Dear god…

    I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of a 16 hour car trip, or even a 14 hour one. One of the benefits of living in a small country – you couldn’t drive more than 7 straight hours if you tried – you’d run out of country! Better yet, we live smack dab in the middle, so never more than 3-4. My kids would die at the thought of being stuck in a car for that long.

  6. Jamie

    You are freaking Hilarious!! Oh, and sorry about the stress of the trip. But freaking hilarious!!!

  7. Corrie Howe

    We had a short drive, but arrived at our timeshare unit to see it is a lot smaller than we were led to believe. My mom said she brought two bottles of wine, I asked what we were going to do the rest of the three nights we are staying here.

  8. Corrie Howe

    P.S. I picked up the Rx for ADHD meds before we left on the trip.

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