A couple weeks ago I posted this on Threads:
As you can see, the metrics indicate I hit a nerve.
Everyone I know is struggling. I literally cannot think of a single person who is not hurting, just trying to get through the days, wishing for something to look forward to, wanting life to ease up for a second. Instead we get daily trauma dumps and horrors done in our name. Every day is harder than the one before, and the gears of my coping mechanisms are starting to rust and stutter.
I was laid off in October. Not unexpected, just mortifying, as I was on a business trip at the time. I won’t say more, because reasons, but I’ve been spending the last six months getting my poop in a group and sorted by size, shape, aroma, and holy crap that metaphor really took a turn. Apologies. I had that job for just shy of four years; two as an embedded contractor and two as a full-time employee. I was good at it and I liked it, but it retrospect it was hella stressful.
The universe threw a sack over my head last fall and kicked me out of a blacked-out van into the land of Now What? The landmarks are only vaguely familiar and the language like something I knew once upon a time. I used to have a home here but gave it up, figuring I’d not be back. I didn’t intend to stay long, but here I am, six months and counting. I’ve had several interviews and several “thanks but…” emails; so hard to get to the last round and lose the gig, even harder when it’s to someone you know and like. I’m waiting to hear on a position right now and hoping for the best and steeling myself for…sigh…for the ongoing effort of job hunting in a 0% job growth climate. When you have a varied background and an impressive array of random skills, it’s tough convincing others that skills are transferrable and experience from different backgrounds is still experience. It’s Effort: Extreme Edition™.
<- This emoji gets a lot of play these days.
It’s been a rough six months following a couple of stressful years, which (natch) came right on the heels of an even more hellacious near-decade. I’m ready for a break, for things to ease up for awhile. I’d long hoped things would be smoother by the point of my life, but it’s sure shaping up to be like the first humans crossing the American prairie, getting to the Rocky Mountains, and muttering the local equivalent of “oh holy fuck what is this bullshit?”
Hang in there, friends. It’s looking to get a lot worse before it gets any better. It’s my hope that we as a community learn how to adjust our rusting gears to adapt to each other and ease our collective effort. Somehow.
Before the effort of day-to-day life takes us out.