Iowa (yawn, moan, stretching): Was it good for you too, lover?
Candidates (getting out of bed): Uh, yeah. Great.
Iowa: Where are you going?
Candidates (getting dressed): I…I have to go. I have an early meeting…with New Hampshire.
Iowa: New Hampshire? That hussy?
Candidates: Now, honey, don’t act like that. You’ll always be my first.
Candidates: I’ll never forget what you did for me. But it’s time for me to move on. Do you have any coffee? I didn’t get a lot of sleep.
Candidates: I must go. New Hampshire is waiting. I can stop by Starbucks on the way.
Iowa: If you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?
Candidates: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn (walks out the door).
Iowa sobs, heartbroken, then…sits up, realizing that she gets the whole damned pot of coffee to herself this morning. No annoying commercials. She can meet in large groups without being harassed. Iowa wipes the tears away, gets up, makes a pot of coffee and a breakfast hotdish, and flops in front of the tv to watch how New Hampshire handles her former lover.
Outside the door…
Candidates: New Hampshire, you lovely, lovely state. Your eyes, your lips, your electoral votes. Do you have any coffee?