Aug 15 2011

Zombie blogger

It’s Morning of the Living Dead Zombie Blogger! She writes big, well-received post on twice-exceptional kids, then falls into Zombieland courtesy of a cross-country Move From Hell And Really, It Was And Still Is That Bad. Someday she will look back at the last few weeks and months and laugh bust open a bottle of Southern Comfort and wail. Condensed version: imagine if National Lampoon’s Vacation was National Lampoon’s Moving Day and you’ll get an idea of what it was like. With the added worry of our CO realtor in the hospital having emergency surgery. We don’t do things halfway here folks!

Yes folks, I’ve been TUSH for the last several weeks. Those heavy things are, of course, the entire contents of my Colorado house vomited into an Illinois house roughly half the size of the one we left. It is not pretty. It is actually so bad that small children wail upon entering the home, though that might be because my four month old nephew had just awakened but it really is that bad.

I DO wail upon entering the home, but that’s because…well, it turned out to be considerably more of a fixer upper than we expected. By a lot. By which I mean every single prior owner did every single home improvement half-assed and actually closer to quarter-assed. While I do exaggerate for comedic effect quite often I’m not so much exaggerating now. From the missing trim around the bottom of the kitchen cabinets after installing new flooring, to the kitchen island that was literally cobbled together from leftover countertop and cabinets (base AND wall cabs), to the paint jobs through which you can see previous colors, to the storage closet that was in such horrid shape that we’ve already gutted it and put in new shelving, to the sunroom that mainly serves to slow down the mosquitos, to the wiring an electrician friend stopped just short of saying was unsafe…we have a bit of a project on our hands. And this is all on top of the fact the place was filthy when we moved in. It had been empty for five months, so the cobwebs and mice had taken over. I really regret not hiring a crew to scrub the place. Into this we dumped our belongings and are still hopping and dancing and dodging around them.

Zombie indeed. All I want are brrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnssss….preferably my own. My office is piles of piles on any available horizontal surface, and we still don’t have internet there. On the bright side, the boys and I are getting to know the library staff very well very quickly. By this time next week I anticipate having more brrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnssss available, as I’ll have internet/a cleaner house/two boys FINALLY in school.

In the meantime, I’ll be unloading boxes and vacuuming spiders and praying I don’t hear another mouse and attempting YET AGAIN to get years of grease off the kitchen cabinets and prepping for a yard sale and making the house a home. Before I know it, I’ll have my brain back.

If I can just remember where I last saw it. Maybe over there by the toolbox…


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  1. Soovereverthing

    Oh Jen. Hang in there. It will get better – if not – call and I will bring Southern Comfort.

  2. ChiTown Girl

    Oh, my friend, I’m sorry it’s been so rough. Let me know if you need a SoCo delivery. :'(

  3. schedule5

    Moving sucks, and then it sucks some more. It sounds like you hit on a particularly difficult house too :(. Know that people from the other side of the world, continents away, are rooting for you :).

  4. Margaret

    Glad to hear from you, though I’m sorry to hear the house is…less than optimal. I’m too far to deliver SoCo, but would a shot in your honor do? 😉 Hang in there!

  5. Missy

    Welcome to Chicago! I’ve missed you. Hang in there and keep truckin! Hopefully it’ll come together soon enough.

  6. kim/reluctant renovator

    Oh dear. I’m speechless. Welcome to the reluctant renovator club. And good luck finding those brains. You didn’t even mention the pain of buying school supplies, so I know it’s bad.

  7. Accidental Expert

    Save me a shot or two of the Jack Daniels. Oh who am I kidding, I’ll just bring my own bottle. We just found out that our lovely abode may be infested with mold. Add to that surgery and job issues and my wailing can probably be heard all the way out there in Chicago.

    Hang in there and good luck with your clean up.

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