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Oct 08 2012

The ADD ate my point

I miss the days when I could lock myself in a practice room and know that no one would bother me for a few hours. As much as I love my sons, they never ever shut up and they are physically unable to leave me alone to work. I miss my old scrapbook room/office. It had a door. With a lock.

This is how I know I have Adult Onset Child Induced ADD. I cannot complete a thought or an task without my attention being sucked elsewhere. It’s bad enough that I’ve taken online tests to see if I really have ADD, and have considered asking my doctor what she thinks. Thing is, none of the online tests indicate any kind of attention disorder, and my doctor, bless her heart, has three kids (including a child on the spectrum) and knows that parenting pretty much kills the functioning brain cells that survive pregnancy. So I’m afraid I’m on my own.

I had a point here, but it was lost hearing that last argument from upstairs. No school today, it being Columbus Day and all. Finally had to pull out my own personal Nuclear Option. The only way I can not hear Riff and Raff is by putting on the good headphones and cranking up the tunes. So when I finally end up clinically deaf, it won’t be because I play piccolo. I have two different kinds of earplugs to prevent that. Dang. Heard them, break in the music. I can’t get the volume much louder. Maybe I’ll combine the earplugs and the headphones.

My complete inability to concentrate or follow through with things I need to get done is starting to become a problem. It’s one of the reasons I can count on less than a hand the number of posts here in the last month; the other reason being a suffocating depression brought on by three years of chronic and escalating stress. I’m finally starting to pull out of that hell; better living through chemistry and all that. I’m just overwhelmed and overextended and overtired and over it all. I’m also rarely alone, a bit of a problem for an introvert. Love my family, need an office with a lock and soundproofing. I have no idea how Tom can block things out and concentrate; I blame credit the XY chromosome combination.

Well, I was going to wrap this up with a point, but the mind is too far gone. Between the music I have blasting so I can block out extraneous sound and the realization that it’s 6:30 and I have not begun dinner, my attention has been pulled too many directions to settle on one and do something with it.

My brain. I miss it.

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  1. Linda

    “My brain. I miss it.” I want that on a t-shirt!

  2. Christi

    Perfect. I full on threw in the towel and started on Adderall this year. Consider the white flag flying high in the air.

    1. Jen

      You have no idea how many times I’ve eyed A’s Adderall in the morning…

  3. Susanne

    you know I feel you. I don’t think this is something nonparents can get. I know because I’ve brought it up to nonparents, or parents-with-grown-children and I get “um, can’t you just…” no, no I can’t, my brain is split. I like to imagine that it’s in like 50 pieces, most of those kid related, my HOPE is that as each one flies the nest some of those pieces will become larger pieces and I will be able to pretend to be a functioning adult again.

    alternatively:
    SQUIRREL!

    1. Jen

      Pieces of pieces. All over the place. It’s like a ginormous puzzle gone horribly, horribly wrong.

  4. Lisa Phillips

    I call it “Mother Stupid” and there’s a good reason for it, physiologically speaking, according to Dr. Oz. I just can’t remember what it is!

    1. Jen

      It’s something about something or something. Yeah. That.

  5. Melissa

    Jen, you can come out of my closet and hang out downstairs with me. 🙂

    But it’s not just non parents who don’t get it. It’s anyone whose child stays neatly in the box.

    1. Jen

      My kids are taking that box and making Halloween costumes. One block-shaped guess what those costumes are this year. :/

  6. Tina

    I am so feeling this tonight. I did some fun things with my girls this weekend and oh my,to much stimulation for them. I am ready to crawl into bed because they can’t control themselves. I love my 2e child but sometimes I just can’t figure out where to begin because she has my head in pieces.

  7. Amy

    I sometimes think I gave most of my brain to my children. Good news, they’re super brainiacs (if a bit 2E, one official and one not). Bad news, yep, I’m brainless.
    I’m getting parts of it back now that they’re teens, although they insist I’m stupider than ever. LOL. j/k, they never actually say that, just the looks on their face.

  8. Erica

    “Maybe I’ll combine the earplugs and the headphones.” They make those. I have a set at work. Pricey, but between the earplugs and the piped in music, I keep my sanity. I’d bring them home but that would probably be grounds for divorce.

    1. Jen

      When I worked in a cubicle last year for a few months, my headphones kept me sane. I was thinking foam earplugs and big ol’ headphones here. Might work. 😉

  9. Kim

    AOCI-ADD. It’s an epidemic! Glad to know I’m not the only one. Reminds me of 10 years ago when I was pregnant with my first and asked a coworker when she started getting “normal” sleep again (she had teenagers). Her response: “I’ll let you know”. Just no way to prepare for this…

    1. Jen

      AOCI-ADD. Yes! 😀

  10. Kelly

    Imagine all the interruptions if you actually have ADD! Sometimes I take my cell phone into the bathroom with the hope that I can complete an email or even a text without being interrupted – but it never works. It’s like my kids have special radar that tells them I’ve gone behind a closed door and they have to immediately ferret me out. I remember when my twins were born and I wondered how long it would be until I could go to the bathroom in peace again….they are almost 11 now…maybe when they move out 😉

    1. Jen

      God, if I actually had ADD the house would fall apart. Oy.

  11. Ingi

    In all seriousness, it is a possibility that you also have ADD. It is genetic and there are many adults undiagnosed and who would benefit from medication. Motherhood does your head in sometimes, but if you are struggling, it is worth getting checked out.

    This is a totally excellent video about ADHD and how it affects teenagers and adults and well worth watching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cRrjJCgRcQ&feature=related

  12. Elizabeth

    My mother had six of us and she survived with lists. I’m starting to make lists, though I have a serious aversion to lists. I used to have such a great memory. Between epilepsy and my pair of kids, I think I better get to used to distracted forgetfulness. In all honesty, I do a lot of stuff at once. I also purse hobbies fifteen minutes at a time but I haven’t practiced piano, violin or flute in months.

  1. The dregs of the drafts folder - Laughing at Chaos

    […] My brain can be a real prick sometimes. I swear I don’t have ADD (except for the whole Adult Onset Child Induced ADD thing, which pretty much starts with the first diaper change), but damn today I had to wonder. If […]

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