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Blue over my jeans

I’m on borrowed time. I know this. It isn’t good. It’s going to happen and it’s going to happen at the least opportune time. I’ll be out and about and boom. Or I’ll have my hands full with a posse of pre-adolencents around. It couldn’t happen alone in my house with no witnesses. No no no, that is not how things are done around here. Never has been, never will be. It will happen in the most obvious, embarrassing, and inconvenient way possible. Around every camera phone in the tri-state area.

My favorite jeans, the ones I wear nearly daily (hey, I work from home and it’s better than yoga pants), are worn paper thin in the nether regions. I guess a couple years of non-stop inner thigh friction will do that. It’s a miracle I haven’t started a fire, though that would certainly warrant a mention. Maybe I’d be warm for a change. I figure I have a week, two at the most, before there is a psyche-splitting riiiiiiip and instant air conditioning.

I hate shopping. I especially hate shopping for jeans. I’m nearly six feet tall, almost all leg, have hard to miss thighs, a significant amount of junk in the trunk, and a not-entirely-proportional waist. Imagine a string bass and you may be close. (And here is where my husband jumps in to point out that I like to exaggerate for effect. While he is technically correct, I’m closer to a string bass shape than, say, a flute). So jeans shopping is unpleasant at best. They are never long enough, cost a freaking fortune, have to be cinched in at the waist (ooh! attractive!), and the size/length/color/style I want is always the one missing. I apparently have a jeans dopplegänger. I should find her, we could share closets. And when the angels sing and the clouds part and I find exactly what I want, it is always discontinued when I return to buy more.

It appears that Saturday afternoon will now be dedicated to the Impossible Dream of finding jeans. Maybe I’ll get lucky and actually hit that particular windmill on the first (or eighth) try for a change. But it’s gotta be done; I can’t chance flashing unsuspecting victims. They’d never recover and I can’t have that karma hanging over me. Not to mention the pictures.

Published inHumorJust for me


  1. Shelley Shelley

    My jeans-salvation has come in the form of Talbot’s. Yes, they cost a lot, but they are trouser jeans that I can wear around the house OR to work, and they come in three different styles to suit a variety of body shapes. I love them. (Yes, I just said that. I’ve found jeans I can love.)

    • Jen Jen

      Can’t believe you’re in jeans. LOL! I’d try Talbot’s, but no talls. 🙁

  2. Cris Cris

    I have a friend who is also tall, and she has luck in the men’s department sometimes. Though we have had some good luck at JC Penneys – my daughter is 5’10. Good luck

  3. Trish Trish

    Have you ever had jeans altered? I haven’t, but I’ve heard that’s the thing to do for gaping/baggy waists.

    I found the size/style of Levi’s that I like and now I order them from Zappos — they usually arrive like magic the next damn day, it’s like gnomes are hiding in the shrubbery waiting to hand me perfect jeans. I should probably stockpile them in case Levi’s ever discontinues the 505s.

    • Jen Jen

      I’ve thought about that, but I’d end up spending as much on the alteration as the jeans themselves. :p
      Hm. Didn’t think of Zappos…

  4. I found my dream jeans at JCPenney. Then I went back and got three more pairs in the same size. I even tried the new ones on just in case. But, the new ones? All three? They stretch and don’t bounce back and are too loose halfway through the day.

    Take a shopping buddy if you can. I hate having to dress just to go grab another pair.

    • Jen Jen

      See, THIS is why I hate shopping for jeans. I swear I’m going to find the perfect pair, then buy a half dozen and hide four of them. :p

  5. Just scored jeans at Marshall’s for $10 a piece. I got this crazy idea that I needed to go up a size, grabbed them and ran. Now they are saggy, so I look like I lost weight. Which means that I can scratch off “looking like I lost weight” off of my NYE resolutions. =)

  6. I am not a fan of jeans shopping AT ALL! Good luck – and at least you should get a whole day to yourself…. always love those 😀

  7. MamaMeg MamaMeg

    Jen, I love the blog, btw and finally have something to contribute. I am also nearly 6′ tall all leg (mostly hip and thigh) and finally found a jean that I like for under $100. New York and Company’s curvy tall jeans fit great (my mom who is 6’1″ and a size 16 also buys them). They are usually around 45 but they often have sales or buy get on FREE coupons. I don’t know what stores you have in your area, I live in St. Louis, but they have them online also. Good luck, fellow Blue Jean hater.

    • Jen Jen

      I used to shop at Lerner’s, which I think became New York and Company. I don’t think NY&C was in CO, which may be why I stopped going there. There is one in the mall just minutes from my house. I will totally go check that place out; completely forgot about it, and so glad to hear they have tall curvy. 😀 Thanks!

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