I’ve had so many random thoughts whipping in and out of my head lately that it’s like being inhabited by bees. Loud, active, not sharing where the honey is located but gonna scare you into thinking it’s a DEVIL WASP bees. I should be grateful that they’re so active, for when one does settle down long enough to land, the rumination begins and next thing I know I want to crawl into bed and stay there until forever.
Just your standard late-winter overwhelm, enhanced by THE BUSY SEASON and made even more 21st century fantastic by a potential pandemic. May you live in interesting times is starting to sound less like a blessing and more like a curse. I’d welcome an alien invasion at this point. The Yellowstone caldera going ka-boom would be a delightful change of pace. Interesting times always sound so…interesting…until you’re in them and suddenly you’re crying out, “NO, NOT LIKE THAT!” It’s exhausting, yes?
Fear is everywhere right now. It’s so prevalent it practically has its own edgy cologne, its Instagram is trending, and I’ve heard rumor of an AMA on reddit. Fear is the newest IT girl/boy/non-binary-gender identity. Fear has been aerosolized and rides the breeze of public commentary, waiting to rain panic down on the gullible and uninformed. You can’t see it, people are still outwardly calm-ish, but by gods you can sense it.
In the midst of all this, I’ve been mentally berating myself over being less on top of things than I’d like. I’ve said many times in presentations that overwhelm is the fastest way to bring me to my knees, and boy howdy I’m etching my kneecaps with gravel. All the random whozawhatses that are up in the air right now keep whizzing past my head. Things like plans I can’t make until other people make some decisions, or things that will affect me personally but are entirely out of my control and no finish line in sight, or things like the millions of random hurts and inconveniences brought on by modern life. I know they’ll eventually land, but in the meantime it’s death by a thousand paper cuts.
So the potent combination of late-winter overwhelm, THE BUSY SEASON, interesting times, and fear is the salt encrusted vat of lemon juice into which my paper cut aching soul is tossed. I may laugh to keep from screaming, but I’ll tell you there’s more than a little mental bellowing going on under the chuckle.
I know this will end. I know I’m not alone in this. And, believe it or not, I’m managing this well. I’m in far better shape than in previous years, and I credit that to the ongoing self-care I neglected in years past. My self-care can sure as hell be better, adding in exercise and doing fun things that buoy me, but my baseline level of caring for myself is the best it’s ever been. So while I’m mentally writhing from the salty lemon bath, I’m doggy paddling as fast as possible for the edge.
My friends, stay strong. We’ll get through this fog of fear, this pool of pain, and be stronger for it on the other side. Reach out to each other and construct a life raft of aching souls, holding each other up. I don’t think we’re anywhere near a finish line, or even a watering station, but we have each other.
And if life is bringing fear, citrus, and lime? We can bring the tequila and make the best of it.