With the exception of a quick one-off post last week about my beloved Cubs finally winning the World Series (something I had to do, as I’d made over 30 references to them and their losing streak over the last decade), I have been quiet here. I could rattle off several dozen reasons why, but it came down to I’ve been ill, I’ve been busy, I’ve been stressed, and I’ve been struggling with words.
Ill? Yes, I’m still dealing with the dizziness that graced me with its presence on my birthday in September. Starting to sound like migraines with a vestibular component.
Busy? Yes, I gave the keynote presentation at the TECA conference this past weekend, and preparing for that took precedence over everything else.
Stressed? Yes, we had to lower the boom on a certain 2e teenager about his schoolwork, with the kicker being that if he didn’t show notable improvement by December that he was going to the local high school in January. We are seeing improvement, but he still has a month to go.
Struggling with words? Yes. Because reasons.
Regardless of who would have won yesterday’s election, it would have been the end of the world as we know it. With one candidate, it would have been the final punch through a glass ceiling. With the other candidate…
Again, struggling with words. Look, what can I say? So much has been said and written and shouted these last few months, but no one is certain what will happen now. There is no playbook for an election result like this. I have friends and family who are deeply frightened by his election, and with good reason. I am terrified about the future, and quite literally sick to my stomach. I’ve read a few postmortem posts online, but this one about why we grieve today resonated the most with me. I am grieving.
When I first started writing this blog, nearly eleven years ago, I was anonymous and took full advantage of that. I wrote on anything that crossed my mind. Politics (I’m deeply Liberal, in case you missed that), my support of same-sex marriage, frustrations with society and culture (I will admit that Britney Spears’ maturity has surprised me). As I began to write more and more about gifted issues those fell by the wayside. So did my anonymity. And over the last few years what has taken their place is a thick sheen of self-censure. I don’t put myself out there as I used to, for fear of alienating parents who are suffering as they raise their G2e kids. In needing to be helpful and welcoming I stifled my voice. And when you don’t allow your voice to sing, you forget how to use it.
I am taking an indefinite hiatus here. I have several projects I want and need to finish, and I need to get out of the screaming echo chamber that is the world for awhile. I need to find my truth, I need to find my funny, I need to find my voice again. If and when I return it will be with intention and humor and honesty from my soul, with considerably less self-censure.
The world is a vastly different place than it was yesterday morning. I am reeling and I need a break from the world.