Friday Fragments: Pieces of brain all over the place

I decided to fragment today, partly because I have so much detritus cluttering up my brain that I’m afraid it’s going to explode and since I hate cleaning I’d have to hire someone to do it and do you know what it costs to have emergency home cleaners scrape brain matter off the ceiling on a weekend when it’s a hundred freaking degrees and partly because…eh, I don’t know why. ‘Cause I’m the M.I.C., as I tell the boys.

Mom.In.Charge. THOU SHALT OBEY!!!

Ahem.
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I participated in a #gtchat this morning regarding gifted children and humor. Deborah, moderator of the chat and an all-around awesome person, said this:

@laughingatchaos – Your blog posts make me ROFL…self-deprecating authenticity + humor = hilarity.#gtchat

Bless her heart, she made my day.
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After a long crappy winter and an endless cool and wet spring, summer has descended upon the House of Chaos with a vengeance. Temperatures in the upper 80s to 90s has me hiding in my dungeon office. The tomatoes in my garden are perking up with the heat (and lack of water; they were drowning), Roger the Rhubarb Plant Hell Bent on World Domination is plotting his yearly coup, and the garlic is screaming “harvest me! harvest me!” so loudly the neighbors are getting pissed and looking for pitchforks. You know, to harvest. I shall harvest tomorrow. But I still wonder…where am I going to harden 20+ pounds of garlic? I kid thee not, I have a minimum of 20 pounds of garlic in my backyard. Rough problem to have, I know.
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It’s date night. Tom and I have tickets to see “Young Frankenstein” downtown tonight, with dinner beforehand. Hope we remember how to act out in public.
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How my dog can stand to be around herself is a miracle. Girlfriend needs a bath. She was fine until the boys doused her with the hose last week; been wet/hot/smelly dog ever since.
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The boys are entrepreneurs! Who knew. Last week I had a blissful hour to myself in the house, while they “washed” my car with spray bottles. Found out later they went door to door on our block, offering the same service to our neighbors for the low low price of $10. This is why I believe our sons have been a very effective form of birth control for the young couples on our block.
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How much do I love sitting on hold? Let me count the ways. Minute one…minute two…minute twelve…minute seventeen…minute thirty-freaking-five…sigh…I’d like that part of my summer back, please.
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Hey Jen, haven’t heard much about that detox diet you were doing. Good reason for that, gentle questioner. I said screw it to half of it last week (yes, that would be the NO ALCOHOL half) and the other half (the no red meat half) ended yesterday. Bet your sweet ass I’m having a hunk of meat tonight. And perhaps a steak at dinner. Bah dum dum!
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I’m working on a chores chart thingamajig for the boys (if you get Family Fun magazine, it’s the “Don’t Lose Your Marbles” article in there; no link online, I’ve searched). Any suggestions for chores? Please help my sons; I’m on the lookout for a family farm that desperately needs stall-muckers. I suppose I could just let them clean up around the house, but I thought stall-mucking might be a good summer activity.
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And, finally, I’ll be attending The Theatah in shorts and a tanktop, sans makeup, if I don’t get a move on. Kindly visit Mrs. 4444 and donate your Fragments!