where wildly different is perfectly normal
Further proof that I’m slightly cracked
Further proof that I’m slightly cracked

Further proof that I’m slightly cracked

Look over there. Right sidebar. See that? NaBloPoMo March edition. I decided to throw myself into that insanity again, because nothing says I NEED MY MEDS ADJUSTED like a blog challenge on top of homeschooling on top of freelance work on top of writing a book on top of the generalized insanity of which I speak very little on top of the fact that if I don’t see the effing sun pretty soon I’m going to lose my mind.

But the topic of the month got me. “Whether.” A topic about transitions and change, and I gotta tell ya, me and transitions/change are likethis. Or rather: ltihkies. We make spooning jealous. Add to the fact that right now I feel as though I’m at the edge of a cliff and the choice is either to soar or end up with Evel Knievel level injuries…well…it’s a good topic for me. Whether (heh) or not I follow the daily prompts is still up in the air.

Today’s prompt? (Ohhh, did this one speak to me) How do you feel about uncertainty? Is it exciting or scary?

How do I feel about uncertainty? Well, of this I am quite certain: uncertainty can take a flying leap and kiss my sweet white…foot. I am strong, I can handle change, I can handle chaos, I can handle pretty much anything. Except uncertainty. 2011 was The Year of All Things Uncertain, and it was ugly. Not knowing when or where we would move or how much it was going to cost us was torture. Uncertainty battles my need for some semblance of control in an out of control world.

So. Yeah. Uncertainty is scary and unpleasant. It’s an invisible monster with sharp teeth and it’s in cahoots with the gremlins. I’ve been feeling it breathe down my neck more and more lately, and I’m working hard to ignore it as best I can. Hard, though. Its breath is an nauseating mix of stale litter box, paint thinner, and dead fish.

Some things I can control, some things I cannot. At least I recognize that’s the first step.

Well, that and acknowledging that I’m off my rocker adding one more thing to my life. I accept that.


  1. This is so the wrong time for me to do this. I have to learn to program a Mindstorm with my kid for Lego League this week; I am taking the kids on vacation for a week; I owe 25 pages of manuscript to a friend for review, and I expect to be joing the Board of a local community theatre next week.

    But, if I can do it this month, I can do it any month.

    I think I might resort to Wordless Weather Wednesdays and post pretty nature pictures or something just to give myself one day a week of easy posting.

  2. Erica

    There’s a difference between the “I wonder if my baby will be a boy or a girl” vs. “I wonder if I’ll be part of next week’s layoffs”. I don’t like either type of uncertainty, but I can at least understand why some people like the first kind. Anybody who thinks that the second kind is excited is warped.

    That being said, there is a weird sort of excitement when there’s a hurricane coming. I’ve been through two, the second of which left me homeless, but I still get excited by the storms. Intellectually, no thank you. But emotionally, I’m warped. As are most of the people around me. Weird.

  3. Pingback: The blessing and curse of multipotentialities

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