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Giving thanks for the vasectomy
Giving thanks for the vasectomy

Giving thanks for the vasectomy

(I wrote this the other night while visiting Kate)

So I’m here in southern Illinois with my dearest friend and her five week old son. He is a beautiful infant, all curled up in that sweet peanut shape, doing that mouth slapping thing when he’s hungry, and having magnificent blowout diapers. Yeah, I high-fived him on one today, it was epic.

And I’m giving thanks constantly for the blessing that is a vasectomy. That I watched. And saw smoke. ‘Cause I wanted to make sure it worked.

Having an infant, especially a newborn, is the hardest thing in the world. There’s no talking to, no negotiating with, a creature who doesn’t give a rat’s ass what kind of day you’re having or how little sleep you’ve had or whether or not you’ve gotten to pee all day.

(As I’m writing this, it’s 10:40 pm, and the little guy is crying and I can feel Kate gently cursing him under her breath and wishing to hell he’d sleep for another hour. I know this situation; I lived it with A in all permutations.)

As difficult as they can be, and as batshit crazy as they make me, I love the stage my boys are in. They wipe their own butts. They feed themselves. A can make sandwiches and J can pour cereal. Both know how to refill their water bottles from the filter in the fridge. They play together wonderfully and both sleep through the night.

I am so grateful that we are done having children. Two is our limit, the most we can do. The other night we took A’s girlfriend to the school musical with us and holy hell, having that third one there…we couldn’t keep track of all three kids! We’d get two corralled and then lose the third. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I can’t imagine starting over with another little life. Another little boy, ‘cause let’s be honest, if by some wacko freak of nature a little sperm ignored the “bridge out” sign and jumped the divide, it’d be a boy. You know it, I know it. Murphy and his little effin’ law have the upper hand here. The mere thought scares me. Tom’s brother and wife have a little surprise due in September…8 ½ years after their first and 5 ½ years after their second. I try not to think of me in that situation; my stomach can’t handle that much more stress right now.

For a long time, even after the Big V, I tossed around the notion of having a third. Adoption was always there, right? Until this year. And then I realized that my baby days are behind me and I’m so good with that. I’m into the school ages days and love it. I can enjoy my boys and not gently curse under my breath the little tyrant who won’t let me sleep. I’m in a good place now, for the most part.

You do realize, of course, that by even mentioning this, Murphy is hiding the “bridge out” signs and rallying the troops. ‘Cause he’s in charge and likes to remind me of that fact. Hey, Murphy? Go bug someone else for a change. I got boys to go enjoy.


  1. I am right there with you. My boys (5 and 6) are outside playing on their own all day long. I don’t see them until I corral them in or until one needs a bandaid. Both happen daily. It is great and I get to enjoy my sister’s baby soon. I don’t miss diapers and schedules and revolving my day around a nap.


  2. You watched? I’m surprised you didn’t grab that cauterizer and zap it a few times for good measure! 🙂
    We’re done too. In fact, I could have written this post sans the two boys part. I don’t want to be outnumbered. I love the stage my kids are in too. Even though one is a teen. I’m seriously thinking that even teenage years aren’t as bad as those sleepless nights/endless laundry/can’t freaking leave the house without a U-haul days.

    And….A has a GIRLFRIEND?

  3. threeboys1mommy

    I can’t wait for my husbands Big-V! I suspect I should tag along and watch as well, just to make sure. One more boy and I’d have to change the name of my blog, can’t have that!

  4. You like playing with fire do you? I would never ever discuss such things – nearly 13 years after the last adventure to labor & delivery – and about 4 years post vasectomy – I still feel like I’m walking a tightrope of possibility.

  5. Funny you should blog about this subject, because I had an interesting conversation with my gyne just the other day during my visit. My son is now 14 1/2 (the 1/2 is very important!) and I’ve been yearning for another baby for 14 1/4 years. I don’t want to get all sad and sappy here in your house, but I seriously discussed with my doctor the prospect of having another, given that I’m as old as dirt, and what he thought about the whole thing. I’ve always imagined myself with 3 sons (yes, I know, what the hell is wrong with me!?) and it kills me a little more each day that I don’t have that. At this stage in the game, it seems I never will, either, and it’s literally breaking my heart. On top of all that, I’ve been having some health issues that are making the situation even more “now or never.”

    OK, enough, I’ll stop the blubbering. I totally get your view, though, don’t get me wrong. One of my very best friends decided to have another baby when her first (and only at the time) was a freakin’ senior in high school. Now, obviously, she loves her son with all her heart, but every single day she askes herself, “what the f*ck was I thinking!!?”

  6. silviakp

    Days like today (thus far anyway) I can handle being a mom to a newborn…relatively good naps, relatively good eating habits…aka..he didn’t rip my nipples from the host even once..Yeah!..and the doctor’s appointment was actually a good experience. He behaved himself…didn’t fuss…and that little squirt has gained nearly three pounds since birth five weeks ago…putting him in the 75th percentile…and he’s stretched himself 2 and 3/4 inches since birth…what the hell is going on when he naps…is he taking steroids that I don’t know about??? The length put him in the 95th percentile…which is weird considering both my husband and I are “average” height. I guess Ken has some taller people in his family…which means this kid is probably going to tower over me when he’s 13…
    Take care all…must go tend to his majesty who beckons me!

  7. Debbie Davis

    Well we are totally done and I agree with your title of this blog! We have two kids (a boy and a girl) and that is enough for us. I really love your posts and can’t wait to read more. Sorry I have not been blogging lately! I have been taping shows which I am excited about because I was able to post them on my blog YAY!! If you get a chance to check it out, then let me know what you think. The more feedback I get the better I can make the segments Also, your stories are great and my whole idea behind this show is for other moms to share real stories like you do. Anyway, I’d love to hear from you.

  8. I thought I always wanted 3, my hubby always wanted 2. Turns out my #2 is a bit mischievous and sly, a dare devil, a real challenger even at 17 months. The beauty of her zest is that I realized I am happy and perfectly content with two girls.

    Although I warned the hubby he better take serious measures before I am overcome by hormones and some spur of the moment “oh no we didn’t”….

  9. Sarah

    Saw this listed as a related post and I couldn’t help but read. I have been having this totally irrational fear that the Big V that I witnessed every frighin step of will magically undo itself and I’ll have yet another child that is smarter than I am at 2. I try not to speak it much cuz Murphy is my nemesis and is just waiting for a new way to send life lurching in a new direction.

Whaddya think?

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