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May 29 2012

Life. Ain’t no one getting out alive.

We don’t have cable, so any news I get these days is whatever happens across my Facebook feed at the moment I’m sitting in front of it. I may no longer be the most informed person, but I’m also no longer screaming at the television in sheer frustration. I call that a win.

But even in a news drought, some sensational news stories still get through.

There’s the story about how sitting most of the day is more dangerous than damned near anything.

There’s the story that came out this spring about the dangers of sugar, and the longer, more detailed video that I haven’t watched yet (I have ice cream in the freezer I want to finish first):

 

Wrap all that up with chronic stress and its desire to screw with me, and I can come to only one conclusion.

I am a ticking time bomb.

It’s just a matter of time before things come to a gory end. I sit most of the day, I put sugar in my coffee and agave nectar in my iced tea, and despite years of trying, cannot for the life of me manage my stress instead of it managing me. People should wear flak jackets around me; I could blow at any time. I’ve already given up gluten, artificial sweeteners, and my sanity…what more will be required?

While I kid, I do recognize that these studies have some validity. I also recognize that they’re designed to scare the population into changing. And I also recognize that it’s very very likely that the studies might not hold up to detailed scrutiny.

Still, I think I’ll move more and start drinking my coffee black. At least until the newest study shows that black coffee causes uncontrollable and irreversible flatulence. It’s just a matter of time.

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4 comments

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  1. My Kids Mom

    This just in: It has been found that swallowing saliva leads to certain death if swallowed in small quantities over a long period of time.
    Be scared. Be very scared.

    1. Jen

      This put the biggest grin on my face. 😀

  2. BeckyG

    I worked in a call center and gained 40 lbs in 2 years but then I lost the extra weight in a year, just by standing for most of my shift instead of sitting. People thought I was spying at them over my cubicle. 🙂

  3. Lisa Lauffer

    So…living is killing us?

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