Mar 19 2012

Overheard in the backseat

You know how parents are always told to enjoy driving their kids around because we go all invisible and can hear all sorts of stuff? Well, I don’t have the opportunity to drive around the boys with their friends for good gossip, but my two boys on their own are comedy gold.

There’s their variation of Punchbuggy:
Hugbug new red with black soft-top!
Hugbug old silver!
Hugbug old tie-dye SUPER BONUS POINTS!

And the new spin-off:
Jeep! NO Jeep-backs! (I have no freaking idea what this is all about).

The “cover all bases” call-out:
3…2…1…VOLKSWAGON SHOP! (Because, you know, they got tired of calling out all the vehicles).

License plate game:
Blah blah blah tellingmeabouthisday WISCONSIN talkingmoreandmore OREGON continuingwiththemonologue NEWYORK! (They do not breathe around yelling out the state, it’s just part of the sentence structure).
Taxi plate!
Truck plate!

Random lines:
Did someone fart or are we near cows in Minnesota?
Luke! I’m not your father, I amΒ an octopus!!!Β (Complete with arm movements and seatbelt-hampered wiggle).
I’m calling the lovies back at home; I suspect they’re having a party while we’re away.
<exasperated sigh> You’re so immature! (Imagine that coming from a 7 year old who is still working on the /r/ sound in speech therapy).
AGH! It’s 3:14!!!! PI TIME!!!! 3.14159blahblahblahIstoplistening

Intense questioning of me:
Mom? What’s Alzheimer’s?
Mom? How do the chickens know to make eggs and not baby chickens? (If I could have banged my head on the steering wheel, I would have).
Mom? Why did you call that driver a fuckknuckle? (In my defense, it was under my breath and they have supersonic hearing when I’m not talking to them. And the driver deserved it).

Tag-team storytelling:
Blahblahblahthishappened, MEANWHILE (stretch that word out as long as you possibly can and still make it sound like a word)…and brother picks up the story and runs with it.

And this is only what I noted this afternoon in two hours of running errands. Comedy gold, I tell ya!


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  1. Mona

    Sounds familiar, except I’ve got only one carrying on a monologue, and I keep forgetting that means he’s talking to ME. Oops.

    1. Jen

      I’ve gotten good at the “mm-hm…right…uh-huh” kind of replies. πŸ˜‰

  2. Margaret

    fuckknuckle? LMAO there are no words…I’m laughing too hard!

    I can totally relate to this. So many times I’m driving along quietly tittering at what the kids are saying to each other!

    1. Jen

      No other word to describe that driver. It was preceded by “drive 45 on the highway-THAT’S HOW PEOPLE DIE!!!” Ahem.

  3. Karen

    I usually get a lecture on why I shouldn’t swear at other drivers, and questions about Tourett’s syndrome.

    1. Jen

      Sadly, my sons have learned to swear in context. Now we’re working on WHERE and WHEN is appropriate. Sigh. Mom of the Year, right here. πŸ˜‰

  4. Elle

    Bahahahaha I loved this. Kids are so weird! I used to look after those kids who get super silent in the car and eventually fall asleep… at the time I would have given my right arm for gold like this! πŸ™‚

    Love Elle xo

    1. Jen

      LOL! I’d give my right arm for kids who’d sleep in the car! πŸ˜‰

  5. Allison

    I laughed out loud reading this! Comedy gold, indeed!

  6. Amy

    I love this Jen! I should listen more closely to my kids in the backseat although more often than not they are fighting or whining.

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