You know the 14 hour/3 state trip is going to be a long one when, not 20 minutes into the trip, you realize that the darling children happily chattering behind you have no shoes. Then 20 minutes after that deep fear strikes your heart when you can’t remember exactly where you packed the brand new, can’t-find-anywhere, will bork up A’s blood pressure if he misses a week, ADHD medication (in the back, stuffed into a bag, thank you sweet Baby Jesus). Then after a stop at Super Walmart (motto: check your soul at the door, you won’t be needing it anymore….mwahahahahahaha) for shoes that will now have the MomVan as their primary address, you swing by Sonic for a not-so-fast fast food breakfast and the world’s worst coffee with a side of “sorry, we’re out of creamer.”
Add multiple inquiries into whether or not we were in Nebraska yet/in Iowa yet/at Grandma and Grandpa’s house yet. Include additional announcements of hunger, thirst, and sudden onset urination urgency as the MomVan zips past yet another Rest Area. Also add vocal declarations of annoyance, anger, boredom, and frustration.
Don’t forget the eternal construction on I-80, as reliable as death and taxes. Throw in multiple downpours, and one solid snow squall. More construction on I-29. Heavier rain. Ooh, a detour! A 30 minute “Sweet Mother of All That is Holy, take the effing pill so we can get back on the road!” rest stop.
A 14 hour marathon turned into a 16+ hour “please, make it stop, I promise I’ll be good from now on” mobile torture chamber of doom.
And we get to do it all again on Friday.
Pass the wine.