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Sep 20 2010

The Sunday coupons are starting to frighten me

I’ve posted before on the Creepy As Hell Sunday Coupons I’ve found while pointlessly searching for a deal on something that didn’t include hidden gluten as an ingredient, but this weekend’s find takes the cake. It’s a volatile mix of horror, amusement, and ickiness that had me doing not just a double take, but a triple and quadruple take as well. This was more stunning than the creepy monkey, a higher ick factor than the resin baby, more bizarre than the horrors I found one quiet June morning, more disturbing than the vibrators in the Vermont Country Store Catalog, more craptastic than the finds of last November. I could only stare in amazement that not only did this thing exist, but is probably being purchased right now. I guarandamntee that no matter how bad my neck pain gets, and it does get pretty bad at times, that THIS will never EVER enter my home:

Yes, that is a neck stretcher. Sorry, a Neck Air-Traction System. The NATS goes around your neck and you inflate it with the hand pump, gently extending your vertebrae and relaxing your neck.

Uh-huh.

Does it remind anyone else of something?

Think she has no neck pain? Kinda doubt it.

People, I have neck and upper back pain that I rarely talk about. I carry all my stress there (when it’s not making itself known around my belly, damn you cortisol!), and it’s a rare day that my neck doesn’t hurt. It’s from a mild case of scoliosis, mixed with years of professional-level flute playing, a dash of toting children, all wrapped up in a stress bow. But there is no way in hell that neck stretcher is coming into my house.

I’d rather hang the FIRST-EVER ELVIS’ HOLIDAY FLAGS!!!

Or maybe not.

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  1. kathee

    LOL! This cracked me up.

    Must be something in the air. My brother sent me this craigslist notice yesterday with the subject line of “Wow–Just think! This could be yours!” (it’s not scary per se, unless you fear people with a well-lit but damaged simian fetish, which now that I think about it I suppose we all should), but as an item for sale–even a pre-owned item–it does made one say “hmmmn…”

    http://wyoming.craigslist.org/zip/1962211401.html
    kathee recently posted…Apoxyomenos and the Lesson of BiomineralizationMy Profile

    1. Jen

      Well, who wouldn’t want an amputee monkey lamp? LOL! I mean, really! The possibilities are endless! It could hold jewelry. Or a flower. Or perhaps a hanky.
      Or perhaps my day has caught up to me and I should go to bed. LOL 😉

  2. Nancy Campbell

    I heart you. The Elvis flags would look fantastic next to your commemorative Screaming Eagle plates and thimbles.
    Nancy Campbell recently posted…Pope Popeity Pope PopeMy Profile

    1. Jen

      I was thinking the Elvis flags outside, where the entire neighborhood could bask in their glory. Because nothing says CLASS like holiday Elvis flags hanging by the front door. 😉

  3. ChiTown Girl

    Hey, this was in today’s Chicago Sun Times today, and I thought you might like to read it. 🙂
    http://www.suntimes.com/business/savage/2726794,CST-NWS-savage20.savagearticle
    ChiTown Girl recently posted…Homecoming 2010My Profile

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