I’ve posted before on the Creepy As Hell Sunday Coupons I’ve found while pointlessly searching for a deal on something that didn’t include hidden gluten as an ingredient, but this weekend’s find takes the cake. It’s a volatile mix of horror, amusement, and ickiness that had me doing not just a double take, but a triple and quadruple take as well. This was more stunning than the creepy monkey, a higher ick factor than the resin baby, more bizarre than the horrors I found one quiet June morning, more disturbing than the vibrators in the Vermont Country Store Catalog, more craptastic than the finds of last November. I could only stare in amazement that not only did this thing exist, but is probably being purchased right now. I guarandamntee that no matter how bad my neck pain gets, and it does get pretty bad at times, that THIS will never EVER enter my home:
Yes, that is a neck stretcher. Sorry, a Neck Air-Traction System. The NATS goes around your neck and you inflate it with the hand pump, gently extending your vertebrae and relaxing your neck.
Does it remind anyone else of something?
Think she has no neck pain? Kinda doubt it.
People, I have neck and upper back pain that I rarely talk about. I carry all my stress there (when it’s not making itself known around my belly, damn you cortisol!), and it’s a rare day that my neck doesn’t hurt. It’s from a mild case of scoliosis, mixed with years of professional-level flute playing, a dash of toting children, all wrapped up in a stress bow. But there is no way in hell that neck stretcher is coming into my house.
I’d rather hang the FIRST-EVER ELVIS’ HOLIDAY FLAGS!!!
Or maybe not.