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Jan 05 2009

I met the SNL Target Lady today

Wow. You know the SNL Target Lady sketch? You know, one of the top 5 most annoying female characters ever created, the one who comments on every.single.purchase. coming down her conveyor belt?

Yeah, I ran into her today. At Costco. It was not pleasant.

I feel somewhat guilty shopping at Costco in the current economic climate. I know that, no matter what I do, it’s going to be a $100 cover charge every time I walk in there. And I’m not buying frivolous things; today I grabbed things like a case of soy milk and pullups and shredded mozzarella for the gluten-free pizzas I’m going to make and stick in the freezer. And the maple sirup (yes, I intended to spell it with an “i,” it’s Webster’s original spelling and the preferred spelling of my favorite sirup).

So I’m checking out, and the checker is checking and the boxer is boxing (Yes, for the love of all that is bulk, I want a box. Lots of boxes. Stop asking. I don’t want several individual little boxes flying around the back of the MomVan. Can you just attach that request to my membership card or something? I’m sure you already have a thick file of my purchasing habits), and the maple sirup comes across the scanner.

Beep.

Scanner: “Wow. That is some expensive sirup!”

For realz? You just commented on the cost of something I’m buying?

Me: “Uh, I drizzle it on real light, and when I can order some this spring from the maple grove where we got married, I’ll stock up ’cause it’s cheaper that way. And I don’t like the corn syrup in the other syrups out there.”

Scanner (totally oblivious): “I could never spend that much on sirup. My kids get the King Soopers brand. Lite.” (Yes, she emphasized the word “lite.”)

Oh my freaking God. Lady, have you ever looked at the label of that stuff? Can you pronounce the ingredients? That crap is high fructose corn syrup, water, caramel coloring (which is usually not gluten free, so screws me there), and big words that are out of place outside Chem 101. Maple sirup? Sugar water from a maple tree, boiled down til it’s syrupy. And WTF is with commenting on my purchase? Yes, maple sirup is expensive as hell, which is why I’m saving a buck and buying it here! (Dude, are the maple groves on strike or something? ‘Cause the cost of sirup has jacked up sky high in the last few months. My pancake-loving boys are soon going to have to donate to the cause if they want more than peanut butter and jelly on their flapjacks).

At this point I’m staring at her, the boxer is staring at both of us, and she’s totally out to lunch.

Probably dreaming of my maple grove, where sirup runs wild, as nature intended.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don’t forget the “Only in Iowa” contest! You still have a few days to drag your mind through the gutter!

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  1. Michelle

    We only use the real stuff…No Aunt Jemima here…No Mrs. Butterworth…only 100% Pure Maple. You only have to use about 1/10 of the real stuff too compared to the other crap.

  2. RC

    I got yelled at when Little Dude was much “littler,” as the lady at WalMart apparently had more time than I do and pureed ALL the baby food she fed her child. (She made the comment while scanning some pureed fruit and veggies in my cart.)

    I would have loved to do more of that, seriously, but for her to get on her high and mighty horse about something like that without knowing how crazy my life is, really ticks me off.

    (That being said, maybe if I had blogged less, I suppose… Whatever.)

    Don’t worry, I’ve encountered the same issue when people used to see the soy formula I bought for the boy, in my cart. As if I didn’t have enough mommy guilt going on, for how uncomfortable my poor child must have been during the six months of “full dairy” breastfeeding…

  3. ChiTown Girl

    People are strange!! I would have told her you and the hubby use it for kinky sex!! Wait, now who’s strange…..?

  4. Tendrils

    LMAO! Great post! I HATE THAT SNL LADY!!!!!! You’re lucky I was done with my wine when I read this——-or it may have come out my nose! ouch!

  5. cursingmama

    I don’t know about your shopping habits – but my trip to Costco actually saves me money. A gallon of milk is about $2.50 at Costco and at my local grocery it’s more like $4.75.
    I get back the cost of my membership in milk alone every year.

  6. Poetikat

    Not only do we buy the real stuff – we only buy organic too! (That ups the cost, let me tell ya, but after I take the time to make my homemade oatmeal/flax pancakes, I WANT real sirup!

    Kat

    Happy New Year, Jen!

  7. Andrea

    Angela and I ran into her Saturday night at Archiver’s! I had won a small contest (never happens, I know) and took my prize up to the counter. The gal asked where I had found it and when we pointed, off she took to get her own. We laughed about her being the SNL lady, and sure enough, she tucked it into her smock pocket when she came back.

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