where wildly different is perfectly normal
Premature ejack-o’lantern
Premature ejack-o’lantern

Premature ejack-o’lantern

Def: when Halloween sneaks up on you and catches you unawares, resulting in a non-decorated house, cheapo costumes for the kids (none for the adults) and crappy candy to hand out to trick or treaters.
I don’t like Halloween. It used to be fun, when I was a kid. Then I went to college and it wasn’t so fun anymore. It wasn’t about dressing up and having fun, it was about getting drunk and going to the midnight jazz band concert. Not my thing. And then I was a teacher. Teachers deserve hazard pay for teaching (uh, wet-cat-herding) on Halloween…though my very favorite day of teaching was November 1st; the kids were wiped out and sugar crashed from the day before. Nice and quiet.
I don’t like the chaos of trying to find a costume (and then trying to keep it clean, ’cause A and J want to wear them…there are two Obi Wan Kenobis here tonight; they’ve been jousting with light sabers for weeks), I don’t like the expense of the holiday, I don’t like how a child’s holiday of silliness has become an adult’s holiday of gore and horror. I don’t need haunted houses and horror movies to be scared, I can just watch the news. Or the prices at the gas pump. Or the recalls website.
I’m not a Halloween grinch, I really do wish I loved the holiday. If someone could come in and decorate my house and take care of costumes, I’d love it. But my decorations are still in the basement and the costumes haven’t come off the boys all day. I haven’t had a costume since I was about 9. The unnecessary stress of the holiday just turns me off, and for some reason, every year Halloween sneaks up on me. Apparently I’m not terribly observant, as the holiday begins in August.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go scrape the boys off the ceiling for dinner before they go trick or treating. As for me, I’m staying in to drink wine and hand out candy. Why, may you ask, am I the one who gets to stay inside and imbibe? Because I am the one who worked two, yes two, school Halloween parties today and I need the wine.

Whaddya think?

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