I am a huge fan of mocking the absurd and annoying. Blog name checks out. So when I want to whine about the irritating crap of life, I dig deep and find a way to poke fun at it. Not at people, because I’m not an asshole, but at life.
Yesterday I found myself running errands on a gloriously bright and sunny Saturday. I do not like running errands on a gloriously bright and sunny Saturday. I’d rather do anything else, stopping just shy of body-boarding Lake Michigan waves in February. But the teens insisted that Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard was bare (which it most certainly was NOT, but the teens in question have a mental block when it comes to the equation of ingredients + preparation = food, and instead believe in the equation of pantry + two square inches of open space = NOTHING IN THE HOUSE TO EAT), and so I was off to the market, jiggity jig. To entertain myself, I proceeded to post
what I considered to be entertaining snippets of my morning on Facebook. I share them here with you now, because sharing is caring, and I am nothing if not a caring individual.
Just filled the wagon with liquid dinosaur. Now off to procure provisions for the week ahead.
More than one friend thought I had filled my car with liquor. It was 10:30 in the morning.
Joseph’s Trading Post does not appear to be overrun with hagglers this morn. I anticipate success in procuring the items I require. Perchance a small vessel of fermented grapes will find its way into my basket.
I was indeed successful in procuring the items I required, including the aforementioned vessels of fermented grapes.
Huzzah! Rapid sundries procurement at the Trading Post. I even splurged on a lovely display of Gerbera hybrida to add some color to our home during these dreary midwinter days.
Oh dear. Frozen precipitation. Must hustle the wagon to the general grocer posthaste.
I was getting out of hand, but I was running errands on a Saturday morning instead of drinking coffee and reading a book, which is what I wanted to be doing.
Dear me. It appears most of the village has congregated at the general grocer. May need to brandish the buggy whip.
Somehow the lot was full but the store not. For a Saturday morning, I call that a win.
Oh, I do hope the eldest son has risen from his slumber, for I shall require assistance with the day’s purchases.
By this point, it was well after noon, and if he hadn’t been up I would have hired a marching band to blast him out of bed. I know people, I can get that done.
Eldest son was engaged in an extended visit to the privy and unable to assist with the day’s purchases.
If he had still been abed, I would have spent the remainder of the afternoon investigating educational institutions of a military nature.
The intense concern for my son’s colon from friends was amusing and appreciated, but said son has a phone and a reddit account, so I guarantee his colon is just fine, thankyouverymuch.
My Saturday only got better from there, as I had the pleasure of emptying the central vacuum bin and scrubbing the tile floors. NOBODY SATURDAY NIGHTS LIKE I DO.
But at least I can laugh at it.
A personal note. I’m going on a bit of a personal hiatus here, not that you’d be able to tell as posting has been sporadic at best. But I have a book to finish and, more urgently, I’ve taken on a new job. It’s only part-time, and it’s only until June, but I’m pretty sure the middle school band students I now teach know how to use the google and I’d prefer to not give them loads of gossip about my smart-ass snark and salty mouth. As I have flute students who have
sneakily started following me on Instagram, I’m sure this is too little too late, but at least I’m making an attempt. We’ll see how long that attempt lasts, as I plan to participate in upcoming blog hops. So, what I’m saying is…probably nothing will change but I’m teaching in a public school and ya just never know.