When I chose grateful for my 2012 word of the year, I did so with great intention. I’ve come to believe in the last year or so that I’m destined to repeat life lessons until I finally get them. I struggle with stress management; life gives me lots of opportunities to work on that. Practice makes better, you know. So I chose grateful as a reminder, hoping to stay ahead of that life lesson. Riiiight…
I practiced being grateful for the opportunity to shovel snow on Friday. It was a stretch, to say the least, but I’m hopeful my effort keeps another snowdump away until next year. We did get a homeschool math lesson out of it, though. How much snow did mom shovel? 2080 sq ft asphalt driveway (larger than the house…sigh…) X 6 inches deep X three hours X how much snow weighs + husband out of town = no wonder mom had coffee in her Bailey’s when she came back in.
Just how grateful do I have to be? I know how that sounds, trust me. Can I curl on the ground for a full day and pray and meditate and keen and wail and the universe know how grateful I am for all I have in my life? Will that keep the crazy away?
I’d like bad things to quit happening to us, my friends, and my family. I’d like the economy to quit peeing in our Cheerios for the first time in four years; I can’t afford to lose more sleep over that. I’d like my house to quit flashing us new concerns every single week. I’d like to be able to relax, truly relax, and know that things are ok. You know, for a change.
There are bad things in this world, I get it. Today there was yet another school shooting, and I am grateful past the ability to speak that it was not J’s school, that it was not as bad as it could have been, that it was (selfishly) not my family. But life has been so relentless here in the House of Chaos for so long that we need a break. In the grand scheme of the world we have so much; in the day to day we’re struggling. And I’m wearing down.
Please. Teach me to be grateful.