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Well aged

As I sit here, my dog is glaring at me from across the room. No reason, really, she’s just on the arm of the sofa (she thinks she’s a cat) falling into her early-late afternoon nap. Her late-late afternoon nap is in an hour, followed by the early evening snooze, dinner, post-dinner shut-eye and pre-bedtime snorefest. Because she is old. I would like to sleep like my dog, but I am not old.

Or am I?

J: The Simpsons has been on a long time, hasn’t it mom?
Me: Yeah, it was on when I was in high school.
J: Was it in color then?

Or not…

Trader Joe’s checker: May I see your ID?
Me: YES, YES YOU MAY!

Or maybe I am…

A: I’m at least 3000 days old! And you’re…a lot more than that.
Me: Yeah, let’s drop this.
A: Wow! Mom! You’re at least 13,870 days old! You are old!

I feel old, but that’s courtesy of relentless stress and lack of exercise. I gave up Coke Zero last week and my knees have stopped aching, so at least my knees feel a little younger. I apparently don’t look old, but that’s probably because my complexion cannot decide if it’s preteen or middle aged. If age is a state of mind, I’m a 12 year old boy, complete with fart jokes and the attention span of a cracked-out squirrel. If age is behavior, I’ve been 34 since middle school. Asynchrony is one thing, but sheesh. I’d like to all be in the same decade at least.

And when it comes to finishing a thought, I’m well past my pri

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8 Comments

  1. “Coke Zero last week and my knees have stopped aching”

    Seriously? This statement traumatizes me. I mean, I know I’m poisoning myself when I drink Diet Coke, but this takes it to a new level.

    • Jen Jen

      My dad used to work for the pharmaceutical company that developed Equal. He knows enough that I trust him when he says there’s no correlation between it and XYZ. But. I tested negative for celiac and still react strongly to gluten. I work hard to get organic food in the house, bringing in essentially liquid chemicals was negating all that. I haven’t had a Coke Zero in over a week. I don’t miss it and neither do my joints. La Croix (any flavor) gives me the fizzy, and hot tea (iced tea this summer) gives me the caffeine.

  2. michigan2e michigan2e

    My dog is only two and he sleeps at least that much. I think the lesson to be taken away is that we need to nap more often to stay young!

  3. Benoit Benoit

    You make me laugh !!! 🙂
    I too feel old today because of the weakness of my legs muscles when I’m skiing.
    And this morning, my wife remembered me that I married her 16 years ago.
    I feel old !!!!

  4. I found out that they sell a cream to prevent both wrinkles and zits. All in one cream. HA!

    • Name of cream, please. Wrinkles and zits at the same time is just grossly unfair.

      And yes, Jen, we are all right there with you, as usual. (Except that you got carded. We all kind of hate you for that.)

      • Already told Jen that I have a noun issue. There is a name for the disorder in which one forgets nouns, but like the name of the cream, I forget what it is.

      • Jen Jen

        Even I can’t believe I got carded. Really? I don’t look THAT young.

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© Laughing at Chaos 2021 ~~I would be most displeased if you were to adopt my brain spewings as your own without proper attribution and/or cash payment. Just sayin'.
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