where wildly different is perfectly normal
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

…unless you’re a blogger, and then you have to walk that fine line between great stories and keeping your mouth shut. So a few thoughts on our Awesome Adventure this weekend.

  • My, it’s a bit warm here.
  • We stayed at Bill’s Gamblin’ Hall and Saloon, a small hotel on the strip, between Bally’s and the Flamingo. It was cheap, centrally located, and we could see the fountains at the Bellagio from our hotel room.
  • Do not miss the 99 cent margaritas at Bill’s. Holy heck, we drank too many of those. The margarita bar is in the back of the casino, next to the sports book. Go. Yum.
  • Whew, it warms up quickly here, doesn’t it?
  • Learn from me, my children, and do not purchase three new pairs of shoes for a trip where you will walk a lot, where it’ll be a wee bit warm, and when you won’t have time to break them in. Day one my new sandals bruised the tops of my feet. Evening of day one I wore a new pair of dress sandals to dinner. Day two I broke down and hobbled back to the Crocs kiosk at one of the malls and got this pair of shoes. Evening of day two I wore a different pair of dress sandals to the Elvis wedding and reception. Day three I couldn’t get my feet into any previous shoes without severe pain. Either bruised tops of feet (thank you casual sandals) or big gross blisters on my heels (thank you so much, new Crocs) or small painful blisters on the sides of my feet (thank you dress sandals). Courtesy of an overpriced package of bandaids, I was able to maneuver my poor stumps into the (drum roll, please!) brusing sandals! I’m almost recovered now.
  • Hey! A cloud! Oh my GOD! A cloud! Granted, it’s waaaay over there and it’s wispier than the bad combovers I’ve been seeing here, but it’s a cloud! Huzzah!
  • The buffets at Paris and Spice Market are really good. The buffet at the Rio was crappy.
  • Eating gluten-free/casein-free at buffets is actually possible. Only one (the Rio) affected me later.
  • Sweet Jesus, it’s hot.
  • If you get a chance to see the dinner show “Tony and Tina’s Wedding,” go. It was really fun, funny, enteraining, you name it. Tom is not a huge fan of dinner shows, and even he loved it. Go with a large group if you can. More fun that way. This was our wedding reception after the Elvis wedding. Yes, we crashed their wedding. : )
  • One of my favorite memories of the trip has to be titled, “Sex Ed isn’t dead, it’s just living in Vegas.” Cutting through the Flamingo one night to go back to our hotel, we passed 3 or 4 15 year old boys standing in the doorway of the Flamingo (not old enough to go in). In one hand they clutched Arizona Iced Teas, in the other they clutched the escort cards handed out every twenty feet (smut cards…their very own porn stash)…watching the pole dancers just inside the doorway. The looks on their faces…priceless. Trying so hard to be nonchalant and cool, but just underneath the looks of terror. Loved it.
  • You know the economy is in the crapper when women are passing out the smut cards.
  • Sonofabitch! How the #%^%#*^ do people live here? Why would they want to? My God, please, a breeze. A cool breeze. It cannot be this hot and we be expected to live. {Sob} Please, please, make it stop.
  • A highlight of the trip was the woman on the flight back who, uh, shouldn’t have been allowed to board the plane. Tom and I were really glad we were in the first row. She was in row 6…and everyone from that row back enjoyed her vomitous display and fragrance…all over the seat in front of her, the side of the plane, the window. Most everyone got off the plane looking a few shades of green.
  • M&M world is a hoot.
  • Vegas is NOT the place to have a migraine. Trust me. It was not pleasant, but thankfully, it was incredibly brief. I credit the M&Ms I was chowing down.
  • If you ever, ever, get a chance to eat at one of Emeril’s restaurants, by all means, eat ramen for the rest of the year and go! We had dinner at Emeril’s New Orleans Fish House and it was easily the best meal I’ve had all year. In the last couple of years. I told them I couldn’t do dairy (more concerned about that than the gluten right now) and they were incredibly gracious and helpful. And because I couldn’t have any of the desserts {sniff…}, I had a delicious glass of port. And then stumbled out of the restaurant. Port is my new bff.
  • OH.MY.GOD. Make the sun stop shining. I shouldn’t be sweating through my clothes. I’m dying, I’m convinced of this. My internal organs are baking like some freaky entree. My new Crocs…they’re melting to the effing sidewalk. I apologize for the Croc-y footprints I’m leaving in my wake, I’m sure they’re sticky and messy. Anyone have an egg? I’d like to try an experiment…
  • The Elvis wedding. I am the least likely person on the planet to do something as wacky as have an Elvis wedding (or vow renewal) and I had a blast.

    Elvis was great, campy and funny. He also entertained the men, as our limo was 20 minutes late getting there. At least my dear, darling hubby-to-be (again) got the chance to make snarky comments about forgetting the unity candle…like we did 12 years ago. Smart-ass.

We got to rock out with Elvis, our families got to watch the streaming video online, and it was just overall hysterical fun. The boys loved the sunglasses we brought back for them; they’re the sunglasses that ate Denver! Run for your lives! Yes, mine look like they’re trying to escape my face; I had them over my glasses so I could still see. I’m nuttin’ if not hip. Hippy, yes…hip, no.

  • Ahh….sunset. Darkness. Should get cooler, no? NO? What the hell is with this town!? Wahhhh…..
  • I came out even at the casinos. Easy to do when you don’t gamble. At all.
  • All in all, one hell of a trip. One I’ll likely only make once. We will also never take the boys there. We had a tough time finding souvenirs for them that weren’t inappropriate (thank you, airport gift shop!), so actually taking them there likely won’t happen. But going with a large group (there were ten of us) was the best way to go. Especially with the crew we went with. Ten nutsos and we had a blast.
  • Ahhh…home. Where it’s only in the high 90s. Cold snap! Ahhhh…..


  1. RC

    This looks like it was way too much fun! Glad you had a good time (with the exception of the shoes, the heat and the migraine).

    The Hubby and I will probably never do Vegas, since neither of us gamble, he isn’t into shows and yeah, we aren’t certain what else there is to it…

  2. As a Vegas native (4th generation at that!) I am LMAO at your comments. Who would go outside during the day? Stay indoors where there is AC, sleep in late, get up and play all night, that’s why Vegas is open all night! You should be here this week much hotter than last week. At least we did have some cloud cover and a few sprinkles to cool it down.

    I pretty had the same kind of experience (but opposite) when I went to Alaska a few winters ago when my daughter had a baby, it was 40 below, I thought for sure I was going to die! Couldn’t imagine why people would ever live there. I think it’s freezing when it gets below 60.

    Anyway, congratulations and hope you had a good time besides the heat!

  3. Great post. I’m still laughing…

    Shoe trouble sucks. I always take bandaids on vacation now. I learned that when I went to San Francisco years ago. That, and I *almost* always break in shoes before they go with me.

    I wanna go to Vegas… Even if it’s hotter than, well you know… 😉

  4. Wow. Vegas sounds like a trip. Regrettably, I will not likely venture there. While you can get married and renew your vows with Elvis, and while Brittany Spears can get married to some guy she met in a casino, the good people of Nevada have passed a “Defense of Marriage” law out there prohibiting me from ever marrying my spouse of choice. So glad the sanctity of marriage is secure from attacks from me and mine in a place like Las Vegas. Phoo.

    But seriously, I am glad you had a good time, although the heat sounds utterly inhumane. You’d think they’d do something useful and pass laws against that instead of me…

Whaddya think?

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