where wildly different is perfectly normal
Over committed
Over committed

Over committed

Or maybe I need to be committed.

Last night I realized just why I feel so bad, and why, when I look in the mirror, I am surprised to see such a tired and stressed out visage. I made a list of everything I have on my plate right now and it was ridonkulous.

*Finishing edits on the book.
*Preparing A for his first sleepaway camp, which entails buying 25%+ DEET bug spray because the mosquitos at Scout camp can carry you off. And more jeans. And mosquito netting. And this and that and good God is it time for him to go already?
*Started up my flute studio again, which includes learning a new studio management software. And advertising myself. And finding new students. And, oh yeah, teaching those students.
*Started up the home-based business I regretfully quit in 2009, which includes learning a new business management software, as well as relearning everything I forgot in the last 2 1/2 years. Oh, and starting over in a new state, with almost no clients. Right now Lisa is my BFF for hosting a party.
*Painting every last square inch of the house, including the bathroom vanities and very likely the kitchen cabinets (Rust-Oleum, I love you). Of course, it’s not as easy as just slapping up some paint, nonono! The walls all need cleaning and repair (some need a lot of repair), as well repairing and/or replacing anything in a particular room that is particularly frakked up. This all means my house is a raging fustercluck of a mess in continual disarray.
*Playing in the community’s summer concert band. Piccolo. Which is awesome, but you can’t screw up when you’re the piccolo player; you’re the only one, and no one can miss the shrieking squawks drowning out the ensemble sweet dulcet tones floating over the other musicians.
*Agreeing to additional writing opportunities that have urgent deadlines, in addition to the ones I already have.
*Attempting to revamp this website to make it a little more user friendly and easier on the eyes.
*Planning the new homeschool year, as well as planning for a few summer homeschooling unit studies.
*This is all, of course, on TOP of the day to day plate spinning at which I so excel (snort).

There was more but my head blew clean off several bullet points ago.

Dear Jen: WHAT THE HELL? Love, Jen

This would explain why I crawl into bed at night wondering what happened to the day, and why I haul myself out of bed in the morning pissier than a wet cat on a stick. Can I drop anything? Nope. Put anything off? Well, haven’t been posting here much lately, have I? So, yeah, I’ve really done it this time. I’ve really and truly, without a doubt, overcommitted the hell outta myself.

So once I get past this unholy hurdle of all that crap above, I solemnly swear I will never do this to myself again. It is taking a miserable toll on my mind, body, and soul.


  1. FWIW, I saw mosquito netting as optional on Itai’s camp list and asked the director about it – she said most kids don’t use it. You might want to see if it’s really necessary before you hunt it down.

    Can any of the rest be put off a bit? Maybe hold off on the painting until after the first round of deadlines? I know it will look lovely and calming when it’s done, but maybe half-assed and ugly but sane in the meantime would do for now…

    Just paint the studio room so you don’t scare prospective parents. The rest is gravy.

  2. Mona

    But you have a DESK!

    JK. In all seriousness, this is how it goes, isn’t it? I don’t really know if I’m a Type A or not (I’ve really lost my edge if I am), but definitely need to be engaged in something or I go crazy. So I say I’ll do something. And about 6 “sure, I can do that”‘s down the line I realize that I’m in too deep and mustclimboutbymyfingernails. Good luck – you can do this. And remember that sometimes “good enough” is what you can manage, and that’s okay.

  3. Oh, boy. I can relate. I can’t seem to find any sort of balance between so little go on that I can’t motivate on anything and waaaaaayy too much going on.

    Thinking of which, I should get dinner started before I am late for auditions – cause I can’t exactly ask my cast to show up on time for rehearsals if I can’t get myself to auditions on time.

  4. Pingback: Good perfectionism | An Intense Life

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