Ohhhh Sarah, Sarah, Sarah… How can we miss you if you won’t go away? Wait. Hold that thought. Just go away, I certainly won’t miss you. The laughs I get when you open your mouth and the stupid falls out just can’t compensate for my brain cells threatening revolt if I don’t change the channel. They gave notice after the 2008 election; I must respect that. My sons and the wine I drink because of my sons are doing plenty to kill off the remaining functional brain cells, they don’t need your help.
Yesterday you gave what passes for a speech; I’m going with a direct quote here, ’cause trying to put your words into The King’s English is just not possible without an IV drip of pure fresh-brewed coffee:
“You don’t want to mess with moms who are rising up,” Palin said at the Susan B. Anthony List event. “If you thought pit bulls were tough, you don’t want to mess with mama grizzlies.”
Pit bulls? Mama grizzlies? What’s next, flesh-eating zombies? (Oh, pleasepleaseplease, talk about flesh-eating zombies. Then we’ll know you’ve totally jumped the shark and can go on with our lives in peace). You want Mama grizzlies to rise up with you and fight for…what exactly? A gun in every pocketbook? Not a fan, even with two boys in the house. Against abortion? Really, stay out of my uterus. Respect the fact that I can make the decisions about my own body without others’ intervention, just as you did. Drill, baby, drill? You gotta be kidding me. My nine year old inventor-to-be is a shrimp fanatic; he is greatly displeased by the current drilling clusterfuck and is even more dedicated to developing green energy, if for no other reason than he’ll have a greater supply of shrimp in his future.
See Sarah, Mama grizzlies are on both sides of the political divide. And the Mama grizzlies on this side are starting to rouse. A little thing about Mama grizzlies you may not remember, as you’ve been too busy to go hunting lately; they don’t like it when their cubs are endangered. They rise up, roar like the pissed off Mama grizzlies they are, and smack down anyone or anything in their path. They’re cute and cuddly ’til that point, then you might want to hope you have either good health insurance (what’s that?) or a pre-paid funeral plan. The Mama grizzlies I know also want a better future for their kids, and they don’t want your morals dictating what that future is. Ever read Margaret Atwood’s The Handmade’s Tale? Probably not; it’s not the Cliff Notes version of Go, Dog, Go. Maybe have a staffer skim it and give you the bullet points version. It’s uber-conservative morals gone political gone terribly, terribly wrong. It’s a future where even you, dear Sarah, wouldn’t have a voice. While I relish that thought, I also appreciate having a voice, so this dystopian future is not for me.
If you want a Mama grizzly showdown, you’ll get one. There are a lot of women out there fighting for women’s rights instead of paying mere lip(stick) service to them. There are a lot of women out there deep in the day-to-day raising of special needs kids, instead of using them as a political talking point. There are a lot of women out there who can put coherent thoughts together and will use them as they rise up and smack down anyone or anything in their path. Are you ready for that showdown?